DAVID: Ah, you're here at last.
JONES: What do you mean, at last? It's my office!
DAVID: Grab a seat - you're gonna need to sit down once you hear my ideas.
JONES: These being your ideas for theme nights in the pub, I take it?
DAVID: Durr, Mr Area Manager, of course my ideas for theme nights in the pub. Check it out, I have loads. Monday: Singles night.
JONES: I see.
DAVID: That's a night where you are forcibly withheld from buying double measures of spirits! It's not really. That was a joke.
JONES: Well done.
DAVID: No, it's actually where we encourage people to come along on their own, have a wee drink, sit around...a bit...
JONES: Yes. I mean, Monday night's clientele is pretty much exclusively people sat alone stoically drinking.
DAVID: Yes, but now, who knows, come for a little sip, maybe meet a girl.
JONES: Fair enough, we'll trial it. Next idea, please.
DAVID: Tuesday night: Drinking Night! A night specially set up for drinking
JONES: Drinking night? In a pub? That's quite a stupid idea.
DAVID: I don't know, a pub seems almost uniquely set up to accommodate it, if you ask me. Picture it: meet a girl on Monday, come back for a drink on Tuesday.
JONES: Alright, alright, we'll try it. Jesus, if we're able to convince people to drink Lambrini and Drambuie, I'm sure we can convince them that it would be better on Tuesday.
DAVID: Good choice, sir! And then, following on, on Wednesday...we're shut.
DAVID: The pub's shut, yeah. Because Wednesday night is Making Love Night. At home. So, you know, no point opening up.
JONES: Making Love Night? I was thinking of something like Curry.
DAVID: Bit kinky, but whatever.
JONES: As a theme night, not as an adjunct to love.
DAVID: *Making* love. That's what Wednesday's for. And Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Shut the pub, cut your losses.
JONES: Mr David -
DAVID: Call me Craig.
JONES: Mr David, shall I tell you how your one month trial as promotions manager is going?
DAVID: Why don't you fill me in?
JONES: Very poorly.
DAVID: Woah woah, wait! Re-rewind! I got loads of laydeez in here the first week.
JONES: By giving them free champagne.
DAVID: You never heard of a loss leader?
JONES: I have, but I did not know it featured pouring 4000 bottles of Pol Roger into the snug area.
DAVID: You don't have a jacuzzi! I was improvising! What sort of a pub doesn't have a Jacuzzi?
JONES: A pub. All the pubs. Mr David, you're fired.
DAVID: Oh! But what about my idea for a loyalty app system, which allows users to unlock special deals by buying drinks during quieter periods, and receiving advertisements from selected promotional partners, who pay us revenue in turn?
JONES: That, err, does sound like a good idea. OK, you're not fire, you can finish the trial.
DAVID: Go me! I'm totally gonna take a day off to reward myself. Mark my words, I'm going to chill on Sunday!
JONES: Mr David, you don't work Sundays.
DAVID: Oh yeah! I'm a f**king cretin.
JONES: That you are.