I'm lovely ain't I.
I have to think of a Last of the Summer Wine character, but I haven't the Foggyest.
I have to think of a board game, but I haven't a clue. Doh!
I have to think of a member of One Direction, but they're such a pile of shit.
A Scotsman who had forgotten his face mask walked on his hands into a shop in Scotland today thus allowing his kilt to cover his mouth. It was the first time a clothes shop had a display of highland toffees and a battered Curly Wurly.
Prince Charles in traditional Scots costume. Strange, normally the kilt CONCEALS the dick head.
Sales of compost have soared during Lockdown. "It just goes to show to the people of this great country of ours how a Tory Government can handle the economy during a pandemic. As from today, we will be giving the people more compost." Said Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak
Police in London were last night called to an inner-city area where they found a large crowd surrounding an intact human skeleton, lying in the middle of the road.
A few minutes later, it was noticed that the skeleton was no longer intact.
A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said "The damage to the skeleton was our doing. Our officers found themselves confronted by more than a handful of individuals and instinctively took the knee."
Shoppers are complaining that they are having respiratory problems when wearing face masks. The chief medical advisor for the government has advised shoppers to chew on lozenges when they are in shops has Tunes Make You Breathe More Easily
The Tory government's health minister Matt Hancock says Spanish castanets could give you Covid-19. The Spanish government said Hancock is talking Clackers
Spaniard cannot locate his automobile. Carloss.
I had sex with Bocelli. Didn't see it coming.
Government scientist says teachers need to drink up. Pubs may need to close to allow schools to reopen.
You know when you go to the pub with someone who's not attractive, but after 742 pints you drag them home for sex? That's why I stopped hanging out with my dad.
Sewage testing is being conducted across England to discover if the Coronavirus can spread through faeces.
Testing started today at the Uks biggest sewage works, number ten Dowing Street
Anal. It's f**king shit.
I read impotent men think a sentence is complete without a verb. Well I never.
Necrophilia sitcom. One f**k in the grave.