Coronavirus Page 15

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john tregorran

  • Tuesday 24th March 2020, 10:43pm [Edited]
  • mornington,victoria, Australia
  • 831 posts

Trump,Hitchens,etc....have all got a virus.......money money money..........etc....

So if you are old it's ok to socialise and go out and about because this is better than dying of boredom at home..This is precisely what happened in Italy and they are one of the worst effected.
Hitchens talking nonsense for his big money masters as usual.

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chipolata

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 6:45am [Edited]
  • England
  • 30,007 posts

Christopher Hitchins was fantastic, but Peter is a massive turd who was always in his brother's shadow.

Quote: DaButt @ 24th March 2020, 8:10 PM

Hillary Clinton would have singlehandedly cured the virus.

Let it go, mon! Move on! She's 2016, she's yesterdays woman! Next you'll be chanting "Lock her up! Lock her up!" like these MAGA muppets at Trump rallies.

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A Horseradish

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 8:23am [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,098 posts

Dear Ms Patel,

I believe we last met at the garden party that was held two metres from Longleat for the John McVicar crowdfund and other good causes. You kindly came with Harry and Meghan to our welly boot throwing stall.

While I am obviously delighted to hear that your tougher than usual policy on law and order may lead to almost every convict in our prisons being released, it surely doesn't go far enough. Of those who have not contracted coronavirus, wouldn't it be far better if the Government employed them to police our streets?

This would nudge anyone who ventures from their houses into their front gardens away from their criminal behaviour and ensure that they are sent back safely into their houses to watch the news. At the very least, we would save our NHS literally overnight.

Yes, I know that resources are currently tight and for a while our well-meaning ex jailbirds may feel a little vulnerable, not least when they are transitioning to their new enforcing role. But by April, one would hope that you could manage to arm every one of them with a truncheon and an adequate set of handcuffs as well as providing them with a personal safety alarm .

And I think too that in order for them to feel fully appreciated by the public, you should require them to be provided with accommodation inside any home of their own choice.

My instinct is the basic package should include an en suite bathroom and a garden view but let's chat about that and any subsequent tailoring at our next branch meeting of the Witham Younger Blues.

Bestio

Lady Dolores Amnesty
Olde Rubber Annexe
The Lion House, W1

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Rood Eye

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 11:35am
  • England
  • 3,594 posts

Prince Charles has coronavirus.

He's over 70.

The queen is 93.

We might soon have a King Willy!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 12:18pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,409 posts

Prince Charles was surprised he wet himself. I thought, Is that a royal wee?

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A Horseradish

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 12:20pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,098 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 25th March 2020, 11:35 AM

Prince Charles has coronavirus.

He's over 70.

The queen is 93.

We might soon have a King Willy!

I claim half of my top line winnings now.

(I had already made a tidy sum on Merkel at 6-1)

Quote: A Horseradish @ 12th March 2020, 11:48 AM

A very good point.

Place your bets on which famous names are going to declare next?

Evens - A member of the Royal Family - probably Prince Andrew
2-1 - Philip Schofield
3-1 - Tyson Fury
4-1 - The Archbishop of Canterbury]

6-1 - Angela Merkel
8-1 - Dilyn, the dog of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds

10-1 - Kristalina Georgieva, Head of the International Monetary Fund
12-1 - Pele
16-1 - Julian Assange
25-1 - Alex Salmond
33-1 - Adele
50-1 - Elvis who is discovered to be alive after all in an old folk's home south of Memphis

For what it is worth, my rule is that if someone famous becomes seriously ill, they and their families will obviously have my genuine sympathy but if they just think they have acquired it or just sneezed twice in the last fortnight or just bounce back very rapidly, having been conveniently symbolic as an anxiety raising example to the rest of us, then they won't do.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 12:33pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,409 posts

Prince Charles in traditional Scots costume. Strange, normally the kilt CONCEALS the dick head.

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Paul Wimsett

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 12:35pm
  • Folkestone, United Kingdom
  • 3,344 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 25th March 2020, 12:18 PM

Prince Charles was surprised he wet himself. I thought, Is that a royal wee?

Is the wee blue as well, by the way?

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Rood Eye

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 2:57pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,594 posts

Lee Mack has coronavirus after attending the Cheltenham Festival.

What were the odds on that happening?

In any event, I think it's safe to say he's not going out for the next 14 days.

Don't believe me? Come on - Would I Lie to You?

PS. Do you see what I did there? Laughing out loud

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paulted

  • Wednesday 25th March 2020, 6:39pm
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 590 posts

FFS people have a bit of perspective!!!! You're all whingeing and moaning about some little sniffles!!!!
There are far more important things going on in the world.
"Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian in war of words over leaked call" -BBC News

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billwill

  • Thursday 26th March 2020, 1:44am
  • North London, England
  • 5,816 posts
Quote: paulted @ 25th March 2020, 6:39 PM

FFS people have a bit of perspective!!!! You're all whingeing and moaning about some little sniffles!!!!
There are far more important things going on in the world.
"Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian in war of words over leaked call" -BBC News

Might be sniffles to you, but to me, at well gone 70 years old it's life or death Mate.

Tell you what. You go out on the street and I'll take potshots at you with a .22 rifle and aim to miss 96% of the time.

Don't whinge because you will have a better chance of living than me, if there are more idiots like you around.

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Alfred J Kipper

  • Thursday 26th March 2020, 9:00am [Edited]
  • Aldershot, England
  • 6,060 posts

Has someone forgot to take their irony tablets?

Austrian ski resort now closed may be charged with covering up the early virus outbreak as several confirmed cases traced back there to January which then multiplied around Europe. Rich people's playground - close it down.

Already sense people are getting twitchy and tiring of the lockdown although overall I've been pleasantly surprised at the quietness. But Young people in particular seem to be wilting from it now, and foreigners. Most of the talking I've heard outside have been foreign voices, but that's no change from normal these days.

Both groups seem to be oblivious to the 2 metre rule or don't know what 2m looks like. And also in groups. And with no masks or gloves. Both young people and foreign f**ks are notoriously group addicted and can't seem to manage five minutes on their own. Where are the Police? I thought they were meant to be patrolling areas and safeguarding?

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A Horseradish

  • Thursday 26th March 2020, 1:36pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,098 posts

Breaking News

So the separate rumours about the origins of coronavirus being in (1) certain dodgy eating practices in China and (2) lax organisation in genetic warfare laboratories both turn out to be right. Scientists have indeed now traced the start of the outbreak to bats. Incredibly, those bats were in the Wuhan germ warfare lab and they had been injected with an as yet unspecified potion. The objective of the epidemiologists there had been to see how the bats would respond to a germ warfare attack. In an elaborate strategy, the bats had been placed in a cavernous room the size of a rubbish exhibition centre which was ironically known as "the hospital". There were model motorways there and model gyms and model council estates and a model television station. And it was all designed by the man who invented the terracotta army.

Anyhow, the expectation was that the bats would either die from the potion or radically change their behaviour by using sonar to communicate directly with submarines in Ancient Greek or something or sleeping in a bell tower downside up. But as it transpired their IQs rose massively so they were pacing around "the hospital" building restaurants in less than 24 hours. For a while it was OK but the problem came when they started unnaturally having live humans on their more exotic menus. Far too many of them ate the unwashed hand of man namaste bourguignon and it all went seriously pear shaped.

This is a news exclusive. I am the first person to break it and it might not have happened at all if ever since 1983 I hadn't been the pen pal of a bat who was sadly lured into the Wuhan germ war lab. Everywhere else in China is under a news blackout. But that should not be surprising when even more astonishingly my pen pal writes to say that all of what was China outside "the hospital" has turned into a germ warfare laboratory whereas the lab now has football matches and opera productions and an NHS and even its own government. Yes, that's right. The country has literally turned itself inside out so that China is the Wuhan laboratory and the Wuhan lab is China. Furthermore, New Bat China is entirely bat run.

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paulted

  • Thursday 26th March 2020, 2:37pm
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 590 posts
Quote: billwill @ 26th March 2020, 1:44 AM

Might be sniffles to you, but to me, at well gone 70 years old it's life or death Mate.

Tell you what. You go out on the street and I'll take potshots at you with a .22 rifle and aim to miss 96% of the time.

Don't whinge because you will have a better chance of living than me, if there are more idiots like you around.

Put your reading glasses on and re-read the WHOLE of the original message and then take your irony filters off Alf Garnett.

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billwill

  • Thursday 26th March 2020, 6:10pm [Edited]
  • North London, England
  • 5,816 posts
Quote: paulted @ 26th March 2020, 2:37 PM

Put your reading glasses on and re-read the WHOLE of the original message and then take your irony filters off Alf Garnett.

I'm well aware that it was INTENDED as a joke, but it was way off being a reasonable joke. It amounted to encouraging less sensible people to go out & they would tend to spread the virus. It isn't a FUNNY matter!

There are much better FUNNY angles on the situation which do not amount to encouraging virus spreaders.

Oh and if you think that people wouldn't possibly be so stupid, have a read of this:

https://www.nj.com/coronavirus/2020/03/people-are-having-coronavirus-parties-how-stupid-can-you-be.html?utm_campaign=njcom_sf&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_content=nj_facebook_njcom&fbclid=IwAR17y4nimxtebe6UJeqnJs0rHb7mhXX_ykXgd0mfiIqWdz66Gbqsd352XsI