Dear Ms Patel,
I believe we last met at the garden party that was held two metres from Longleat for the John McVicar crowdfund and other good causes. You kindly came with Harry and Meghan to our welly boot throwing stall.
While I am obviously delighted to hear that your tougher than usual policy on law and order may lead to almost every convict in our prisons being released, it surely doesn't go far enough. Of those who have not contracted coronavirus, wouldn't it be far better if the Government employed them to police our streets?
This would nudge anyone who ventures from their houses into their front gardens away from their criminal behaviour and ensure that they are sent back safely into their houses to watch the news. At the very least, we would save our NHS literally overnight.
Yes, I know that resources are currently tight and for a while our well-meaning ex jailbirds may feel a little vulnerable, not least when they are transitioning to their new enforcing role. But by April, one would hope that you could manage to arm every one of them with a truncheon and an adequate set of handcuffs as well as providing them with a personal safety alarm .
And I think too that in order for them to feel fully appreciated by the public, you should require them to be provided with accommodation inside any home of their own choice.
My instinct is the basic package should include an en suite bathroom and a garden view but let's chat about that and any subsequent tailoring at our next branch meeting of the Witham Younger Blues.
Lady Dolores Amnesty
Olde Rubber Annexe
The Lion House, W1