Coronavirus Page 10

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Thursday 19th March 2020, 10:39pm
  • Everton, England
  • 3,221 posts

It's just that I can't stand people ho port their mouth off with conspiracy theories as its often the thickest person you know and they say it likes its gospel.

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A Horseradish

  • Thursday 19th March 2020, 11:58pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,624 posts

Activities

1. Unwrap a new bar of soap and start washing your hands. Continue to wash without stopping until the soap is a sliver. That's a sliver of the size you normally chuck out. Write down on a piece of paper how many times you sang Ring a Ring Roses during this process. If it's not exactly 15,226 you are wrong. Start the process again and repeat it until right.

2, Obtain a pack of disposable gloves. Remove the first pair from the pack with clean hands. Wear them and with one of your newly gloved hands touch what you believe to be a safe metal object. Pretend that object is unsafe. Use the other gloved hand to remove the glove which touched, Then with the bare hand reach into the pack of disposable gloves to select a new glove. Hold that in the bare hand to remove the glove which didn't touch the metal object but did touch the removed glove which did. Then with a bare hand reach into the pack of disposable gloves for the second glove of the second pair to pick up the three discarded gloves and put them in the washing machine. Place a hand back in the disposable glove pack to remove a fifth glove to use to place the fourth glove in the washing machine. Continue with this process until the final glove in the pack is in the washing machine. Then purchase a new pack of disposable gloves.

3. Londoners. Those of you who are in one of the inner boroughs should already be considering the map of its secret underground tunnels so as you can get to your place of work without breathing air. Check which ones can be traversed on unicycle. Also, many of them are now partially used for the growing of salad by hydroponics. Do remember then to take some home made bread to make a healthy sandwich as you pedal. People in the outer boroughs should be noting where the Greater London boundary line nearest to their homes is located to ascertain if there are very dark woods nearby. Those can take you quickly beyond it and all the formal army barriers. Make a wrinkled face mask. Put on old people's clothes. Run like the clappers down the streets from your home to the woods at 3am in the morning. If you take a wrong turning and emerge in front of the armoured tanks, just say you are confused and thought it was the way to the bingo.

4. Immediately refer any child in school uniform, any adult who is working without a government loan and any criminal who has deliberately gone out of his way to build his very own prison to the social services. And if at any time you move an inch from your sofa, beer cans, what my grandmother used to call cripps, and telly, immediately refer yourself. But while you are working hard in watching television, don't be too hard on yourself. There is still time for play. For example, play "spot the fake "I've got the symptoms of Covid-19 so I'm self-isolating" presenter". This may or may not be anyone who once made a permanent return to a programme which he had only just tearfully left for good or one who enjoys spending time performing theatrically in the theatre and being a stereotypical version of manhood on picturesque farms.

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Briosaid

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 12:09am
  • 1,356 posts

Of course It's a conspiracy. THE EARTH is pissed off with us f**king things up and is sorting us out with this crap.

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john tregorran

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 3:56am
  • mornington,victoria, Australia
  • 1,638 posts

I agree,Humanity is not up to much.You've only got to see all the empty shelves to realize that.

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A Horseradish

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 10:29am [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,624 posts

By becoming, as instructed, increasingly invisible, surely human beings are mimicking this virus.

Does anyone agree with me that the virus may already have ceased to exist, having biologically mutated into the human?

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beaky

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 10:44am
  • Malaga and Brighton, United Kingdom
  • 2,744 posts
Quote: A Horseradish @ 20th March 2020, 10:29 AM

By becoming, as instructed, increasingly invisible, surely human beings are mimicking this virus.

Does anyone agree with me that the virus may already have ceased to exist, having biologically mutated into the human?

That's what Agent Smith in The Matrix thinks.

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A Horseradish

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 10:54am
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,624 posts
Quote: beaky @ 20th March 2020, 10:44 AM

That's what Agent Smith in The Matrix thinks.

Really?

A coincidence - and spooky!

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 10:56am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,221 posts

Listen Mr Beaky that is the sound of inevitably.....

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chipolata

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 11:41am [Edited]
  • England
  • 30,101 posts

What is the Matrix?

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billwill

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 2:14pm
  • North London, England
  • 5,847 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 19th March 2020, 9:35 PM

Ever since it became likely that John F. Kennedy was completely ignored by Lee Harvey Oswald as he drove through Dallas in 1963, the idea of a huge governmental conspiracy theory has seemed very much more credible than it ever did before.

Accordingly, it is not out of the question that some sinister organisation intent on world domination has released this strain of coronavirus or is manipulating the statistics in order to gain the public's consent for the introduction of measures of control that would have been laughably Draconian if suggested under normal circumstances.

I'm not saying that's happening but, equally, I'm not saying it's not.

Given the mystery, it seems that the best conspiracy theory for Kennedy's assassination is that as US President he was due to do something truly awful for the survival of the future, so time travellers from the future came back to prevent him doing it.

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billwill

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 2:33pm
  • North London, England
  • 5,847 posts
Quote: Briosaid @ 20th March 2020, 12:09 AM

Of course It's a conspiracy. THE EARTH is pissed off with us f**king things up and is sorting us out with this crap.

Indeed, this type of action is usually known as the GAIA theory as GAIA was an old (very old) name of the EARTH.. The 'theory' is that GAIA is conscious and able to affect events on earth.

Given that the root problem is that there are too many humans on this planet, the logical solution is to reduce the birth rate, but it doesn't happen because one of the main reasons for having many children (particularly in nonEuropean & non USA countries) is to ensure that there are enough of them around to help you to live in old age. In consequence (and due to medical improvements) the human race currently has too many old people, which creates problems of Care, Pensions and Housing. GAIA tried a direct effect on birth rate by reducing sex activity with the AIDS virus, but that failed and SHE tried a general reduction of whole population with the EBOLA virus which also failed. It would now fit the theory, that SHE has decided to remove the root cause of the population problem by by killing off the aged to reduce that average life span to the 'designed' figure.

Bad news for me though.... :( :( Dragons might not be immune to Corvid-19 :D

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Rood Eye

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 4:58pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

Boris has finally decided to close pubs, clubs and restaurants throughout the UK.

If he can summon up that much sense, why doesn't he prevent 12 million school pupils from gathering together every day of the week in enormous groups all over the UK?

And what about the universities and colleges?

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Lazzard

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 5:50pm [Edited]
  • Ludlow, England
  • 4,872 posts

Err...he already has - the schools & colleges are closed as of tonight.
Most universities shut up shop earlier in the week.
However, when this is all over, there will be a relatively easy calculation to work out how many people were infected/died because he didn't take these measures a fortnight ago.
We could call it the Boris Bonus...

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Rood Eye

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 6:06pm
  • England
  • 4,103 posts
Quote: Lazzard @ 20th March 2020, 5:50 PM

Err...he already has - the schools & colleges are closed as of tonight.
Most universities shut up shop earlier in the week.

Thanks, Lazz.

That's good to know.

I really must watch more TV news and less Netflix! Laughing out loud

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Paul Wimsett

  • Friday 20th March 2020, 6:37pm
  • Folkestone, United Kingdom
  • 3,394 posts
Quote: chipolata @ 20th March 2020, 11:41 AM

What is the Matrix?

Never mind that, just keep taking the pills!