British Comedy Guide

Gold Christmas Crackers joke competition Page 5



  • Thursday 12th December 2019, 11:39pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 560 posts
Quote: Dantrobus @ 12th December 2019, 8:10 AM

I don't think you're missing anything. This type of one-liner bugs me - the ones where it's got the words in there with the double meanings but the scenarios described aren't what happened or don't make sense. In this case, as you rightly say, no-one has ever been asked to leave their Brussels sprouts to make room for the turkey part of their dinner, nor could Turkey's possible accession to the EU be described as people having to 'make room' for Turkey. They bug me really because I end up writing them (and discarding them) so much myself: I make that connection between the same words (Turkey, Brussels) being applicable to both scenarios (Xmas dinner, brexit) but end up having to mangle the rest of the language too much to try make the same description apply to both situation.

My other problem with this one is that it isn't written in a cracker joke format, e.g. Why is Christmas dinner like Brexit? Half the, etc, etc. Not that anybody's asked me, but I would have edited this joke to something like:

Why is Christmas dinner like Brexit? Your parents are worrying about turkey and half the family want brussels off their plate.
Still not very good, but closer to a cracker joke and closer to a sentence that could legitimately describe xmas dinner and brexit.

Yes. I torture and mangle jokes to death trying to make them work.

Why is Christmas dinner like Brexit? Half the family want to leave Brussels and Turkey's not ready yet to join the table. Hmm... not right.


Rood Eye

  • Friday 13th December 2019, 9:42pm
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

Q: Why is Christmas dinner like Brexit?

A: Brussels, turkey, assorted nuts, fruitcakes, everybody's crackers, all the wines: it's too much for the average person. You just want to go to sleep and forget about it!


Definitely Tarby

  • Saturday 14th December 2019, 12:21am
  • 2,134 posts

Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Leo Sleigher (Leo Sayer)

Who is Santa's favourite thrash metal band?

Sleigher (Slayer)


Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 14th December 2019, 2:28pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,564 posts

Christmas Christmas Christmas? Christmas!



  • Tuesday 5th May 2020, 2:43pm
  • Australia
  • 5,437 posts

Getting in early this year, using the Monkhouse formula of chucking the word "Christmas" into the lamest possible plagiarized jokes and puns:

Why did the children stay indoors on Christmas Day? Because they wanted to be quaranteens.

Why didn't Prince Charles throw his Christmas apple at the burning donkey? He didn't want to get core-on-a-fire-ass again.

What does Santa have for breakfast during lockdown? Ebola cereal.

Why did Santa become a wanker when he got coronavirus? Because he wanted to beat it.

What do you call a bear with coronavirus? Winne the flu, at Christmas.

Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of its bark, at Christmas.

Why is this joke like Coronavirus? Because everyone eventually gets it, at Christmas.


Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 5th May 2020, 2:55pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,564 posts

What's the difference between jokes and Christmas jokes? The word Christmas.