Gold Christmas Crackers joke competition Page 2

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Chappers

  • Tuesday 29th October 2019, 11:31pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 30,576 posts

Last year, I went to a brilliant Christmas party: it was held in a huge room and the organisers had pinned a sprig of mistletoe to the ceiling at one end of the room and a box of Paxo to the ceiling at the other.

And all the girls who wanted kissing went to one end of the room.

And all the girls who wanted a turkey sandwich went to the other.

I defy anybody to make a complaint about that joke! Laughing out loud

I would make a complaint because it's not even a joke.

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Rood Eye

  • Tuesday 29th October 2019, 11:47pm
  • England
  • 3,218 posts
Quote: Chappers @ 29th October 2019, 11:31 PM

I would make a complaint because it's not even a joke.

"And true comedy fans came, and said unto me, Why speakest thou unto them in parables? I answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of my comedy, but to them it is not given."

(Especially on UKTV Gold at Christmas)

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Chappers

  • Wednesday 30th October 2019, 6:12pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 30,576 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 29th October 2019, 11:47 PM

"And true comedy fans came, and said unto me, Why speakest thou unto them in parables? I answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of my comedy, but to them it is not given."

(Especially on UKTV Gold at Christmas)

Pretentious twat!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 2nd November 2019, 12:25pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,240 posts

What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo at Christmas? A woolly jumper, at Christmas.

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Bekka

  • Monday 25th November 2019, 10:22pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 3 posts

I watched a christmas carol again this year. My has she grown.

I think you put it in a turkey, then a duck, then a pheasant, then a guineafowl, but at the Bullingdon they just go the whole hog.

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Rood Eye

  • Monday 25th November 2019, 10:43pm
  • England
  • 3,218 posts
Quote: Bekka @ 25th November 2019, 10:22 PM

I think you put it in a turkey, then a duck, then a pheasant, then a guineafowl, but at the Bullingdon they just go the whole hog.

'Sow the cookie crumbles.

PS. I bet the Gold Christmas Crackers joke competition hasn't got gems like this! Laughing out loud

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TheTrashBat

  • Sunday 1st December 2019, 11:41am
  • Dorset, United Kingdom
  • 58 posts

Did anybody have any luck with this?

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Rood Eye

  • Sunday 1st December 2019, 12:17pm
  • England
  • 3,218 posts

If I understand the rules correctly, winners will be notified on or before this coming Thursday.

When the competition is over, winners and non-winners alike will get the huge bonus of being able to unfollow Gold and thus stop receiving all the gold-related crap that's been flooding into their Twitter inboxes for the past weeks.

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Kenneth

  • Sunday 1st December 2019, 2:14pm
  • Australia
  • 5,244 posts

Monkhouse has cracked the formula:
Why did Prince Andrew step back from his royal duties? So he could spend more time with the children, at Christmas.

Was Prince Andrew nervous when dressing for Christmas? No, because he's not a Christmas sweater.

Why does Prince Andrew fly to Jeffrey Epstein's house for Christmas? Because it's too far to walk.

What did Virginia Giuffre leave the photo counter at Boots at Christmas? Because her prints already came. Three times.

What does Prince Andrew order for Christmas lunch? Minor stuffing.

Did Prince Andrew study public speaking for Christmas interviews? No, he was elf-taught.

Why was the Christmas band leader expelled by Prince Andrew? Because he conducted himself in a manner unbecoming.

What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew with a duck at Christmas? A Christmas quacker.

Etc.

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BTF

  • Thursday 5th December 2019, 12:19pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 412 posts

Ok so no notification from Gold for me. Any winners?

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Rood Eye

  • Thursday 5th December 2019, 12:40pm
  • England
  • 3,218 posts
Quote: BTF @ 5th December 2019, 12:19 PM

Ok so no notification from Gold for me. Any winners?

Don't give up hope, BTF: Thursday isn't over yet! Laughing out loud