1. The world's first Vagina Museum is set to open in London, unless it decides to stay shut, which would be totally cool.
2. The world's first Vagina Museum is set to open in London, in what is expected to be THE red carpet event for menstration awareness.
3. 10 migrants posing as a volleyball team have been detained in Athens, a further 15 suspected migrants posing as a Scottish rugby team have been detained in Japan.
Tried a different tact for my third and final attempt. Now that I've had the pleasure of hearing two shows, instead of being original and funny I figured my only hope was to be tame, woke & obvious.
1. In the style of that old John Thomson character, Bernard Righton. They may have smelt the contempt for their editorial stance on this, if only they had a comedy brain between them, but I still feel it was far stronger than the weak Vag Museum joke they went with.
2. This was the only other 'useable' c**t museum joke I had (from a selection of 47). Obvious, but I liked how the punchline sits hidden in the middle until you get to the end. Whoever read it must have thought 'doesn't this guy get that the punchline has to come at the end of the joke? Hasn't he heard of Amy Schumer?'. No.
3. This joke is worst thing I've ever written, and I include my pro-Isis folk-rock album. I'm ashamed to have lowered myself into such hacky shit. After I wrote this I didn't have the heart to do GWBW, I coud barely muster the strength to kick a homeless man to death to cheer myself up.
On Sunday, instead of writing 'zingers' for NJ, I'll be writing a diatribe in the 'I hate Newsjack' thread. Bitter? Maybe, but my review of the 7 minute monologues of virtue signalling and pub jokes definitely will be.
No offence to those who've had material accepted, because YOUR joke (or sketch) was the single funny thing on the show.