British Comedy Guide

NJ Reject - 2001 Space Comedy

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DeathbyMonkey

  • Monday 25th February 2019, 12:58pm
  • England
  • 708 posts

KIRI: Researchers are working with NASA to see if "comedians" help team cohesion on long space missions. I've always said we should stick Jim Davidson in a rocket and blast him into space, but for slightly different reasons... But will having a clown on manned missions to Mars cause more harm than good?
ATMOS: SPACESHIP
FX: SPACESHIP HIT BY ASTEROID
CAPTAIN JANE: We're losing oxygen! Quick get the science officer!
SALLY: Do we have to? He's always making terrible jokes; he's such a bozo! Plus I think he's got a drinking problem, his nose really red and swollen.
CAPTAIN JANE: Now!
FX: SPACE DOOR OPENING; SQUEAKY FOOTSTEP NOISES
BOZO THE CLOWN: Hello children, who's birthday party is it today?
FX: CLOWN HORN
CAPTAIN JANE: We've suffered an impact that's caused a puncture. We need to urgently seal the hole. Can you make me something?
BOZO: Of course!
FX: BLOWING UP BALLOON AND MAKING BALLOON ANIMAL
CAPTAIN JANE: That's a puppy...
BOZO: Now what balloon animal would you like little girl?
SALLY: This is serious! We're going to die!
BOZO: Sometimes you just have to sit back and smell the roses.
CAPTAIN JANE: What?!
SALLY: Captain, I think he wants you to sniff the flower on his lapel.
FX: SQUIRTING WATER
CAPTAIN JANE: Aaarrgh! Did you just spray water in my face? We need to conserve our resources!
BOZO: Bozo the Clown appreciates that, so that's why I used my urine.
SALLY: Captain if we fire up our thrusters we might be able to cause a pressure change big enough to re-seal the hole.
CAPTAIN JANE: Yes, that might work! Officer Bozo give it a go.
FX: BUTTON PRESSED; CONFETTI FIRING
CAPTAIN JANE: You just launched confetti.
BOZO: Ho-ho Bozo the clown fooled you didn't I?
FX: RED ALERT
CAPTAIN JANE: Oh god, we've just lost our primary air supply. One of us is going to have to do a spacewalk to fix the leak, restart the auxiliary power and reconnect the compressor. That's going to be a lot to juggle...
BOZO: I'm great at juggling, watch.
FX: BALLS FLOATING IN SPACE
SALLY: In zero gravity that's a lot less impressive than you think it is.
CAPTAIN JANE: Okay Officer Bozo, get your spacesuit, put on your oversized space shoes and get out there.
FX: POWERING DOWN
SALLY: Ma'am all the controls have just gone dead, we're going to have to evacuate!
BOZO: Bozo says every clown for himself. Bu-bye
CAPTAIN SALLY: No Officer Bozo, that's our only escape pod!
FX: ESCAPE POD JETTISONING
FX: CLOWN HORN; ESCAPE POD COMICALLY FALLING APART
SALLY: Captain, there must have been a problem with the...it just fell apart...I think Officer Bozo is dead.
CAPTAIN JANE: Such a terrible waste... we could have got sixteen of him in that one escape pod...

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Rood Eye

  • Monday 25th February 2019, 2:29pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,852 posts
Quote: DeathbyMonkey @ 25th February 2019, 12:58 PM

FX: BALLS FLOATING IN SPACE

I bet the BBC searched high and low for that sound effect but were unable to find it and were obliged, therefore, with great reluctance to reject your script.

Had they contacted me for advice, I could have told them it's almost indistinguishable from "snowflakes falling in a forest of elms", which I know they have.

Not to worry though. The script is very topical and it's certainly jolly.

Better luck next time!

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DeathbyMonkey

  • Tuesday 26th February 2019, 12:13pm
  • England
  • 708 posts

I'll be honest, most of the time I put in genuine sound effects but sometimes I "cheat" by putting in sound effects that get the joke across so that I don't have to explain it in dialogue and make it too wordy.

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Yacob Wingnut

  • Thursday 28th February 2019, 7:00pm
  • England
  • 705 posts

I like this. Nothing to critique (except - as previous mentioned - the sound effects).