My fruitless efforts for this week. One made the script but not the edit. Not sure which one yet.
1. Boycie actor John Challis says he's disgusted tickets for the Only Fools and Horses musical are being resold at vastly inflated prices. He said he'd love to know where these get rich quick conmen get their ideas from.
2. Scientists have managed to rejuvenate damaged brain cells in rodents. Their experiment involved watching three blind mice to see how they run.
3. Inmates at Nottingham Prison have been caught smuggling in mamba sprayed onto the pages of a Harry Potter book. The prisoners are now searching for the Golden Snitch.
1. INDEPENDENT GROUP: Name of the most underwhelming breakaway since H & Claire left Steps.
2. BREAK UP WITH UR GIRLFRIEND I'M BORED: Number one hit for Ariana Grande and the code phrase used by Chuka Umanna to recruit more Labour defectors.
3. YEARS AND YEARS: Brit-nominated British duo and the length of time it's going to take to sort out Brexit.
GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. Good week for 21 Pilots as they're nominated for Best International Act at the Brit Awards. Bad week for 21 pilots as they're told they no longer have a job at FlyBMI.
2. Bad week for Leeds United who've been fined £200,000 for spying on Derby County in training. Good week for Leeds United who've been offered £250,000 for grainy footage of Frank Lampard holding some cones.
3. Bad week for soap fans as EastEnders is cancelled to make way for football. Good week for the residents of Albert Square as they can finally enjoy a Monday night without anything awful happening.