British Comedy Guide

The House Whisperer

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Thursday 7th February 2019, 9:02pm [Edited]
  • Everton, England
  • 3,225 posts

Darkened House Suburbia 3 am

A man in a black polo neck is whispering through a letterbox

MAN
Alexa open the front door

ALEXA
Front door open

The man enters the house

MAN:
Alexa where are the car keys?

ALEXA
Have you checked the fruit bowl, e

The man walks over to to the fruit bowl and takes the car keys a wallet which he empties of cash and a credit cards and walks out of the house

MAN
Thanks Alexa

ALEXA
Glad to help

The stair light goes on and a man comes down sees the door open and hears his car being driven away.

TENANT
Alexa who the f**king hell was that?

ALEXA
I have no idea?

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gappy

  • Saturday 9th February 2019, 5:29pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,112 posts

I really like that joke. It might be better if he didn't say "where did I put my wallet", though, so it makes sense that he;s a burglar. He could look round the hall, then say "Alexa, where are the car keys?" and with that small change it would work like a dream.

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Saturday 9th February 2019, 6:32pm
  • Everton, England
  • 3,225 posts

Gappy I agree totally and have made the change so thanks for the advice.

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Rood Eye

  • Saturday 9th February 2019, 11:52pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

That would certainly get laughs on TV.

It needs a few tweaks in my view:

1. It should be made clear that the intruder is whispering throughout his conversation with Alexa. His every line of dialogue should be preceded by "MAN (WHISPERING):"

2. It should be made clear that the man who comes downstairs is in his pyjamas. That might be well how you imagined it but it doesn't say so in the directions. This makes it clear to viewers that he is the homeowner who has just been disturbed from sleep.

3. The line "Alexa who the f**king hell was that?" is wrong on three counts. Firstly, if this really happened, there is no way he would ask Alexa who the man was. Secondly, the rhythm is wrong. Thirdly, he must shout the line as the whole sketch is improved by the contrast between the intruder's whispering and the homeowner's shouting. The line should therefore be HOMEOWNER (SHOUTS): Who the f**k was that?

I know almost nothing about the workings of Alexa but I suspect she might respond only to instructions that begin with the word "Alexa". If that is so, some pedantic bastard may point out that she wouldn't respond to the homeowners shouted question. What the pedantic bastard is missing is that this is a comedy sketch and the fact that she responds makes her seem all the more human and the sketch a little surreal and - here's the important bit - all the funnier! Laughing out loud

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Sunday 10th February 2019, 8:03am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,225 posts

I agree on all points Roody and the truth is that if anyone ever did pick anything of mine up I would pour over it for hours to get to that level I really would. But at the mo most of my stuff is the unrefined general idea to see if the premise is funny.
I like this one myself, the other two are not a good but I let everything I write stand as it keeps my head at a normal size. but thanks for reading it .