GORDON: Order, everyone, order. Thank you for coming to the Spectral Communication Project Committee. Angus, just before we start, can you remind us all how long the current project's been running?
ANGUS: Since the dawn of human history.
GORDON: Yes. So I feel it's high time for a review. Sally, perhaps you'd remind the committee what our message to the living is.
SALLY: Certainly, Gordon. Our demands are that the rights of ghosts, spirits and all revenant peoples are acknowledged, and that we have representation on all legislative authorities within the temporal realm.
GORDON: Very good. And what is the main method we've used to express this to the breathers?
SALLY: Moving stuff about at night.
GORDON: Right. Well, that seems crystal clear, our communication methods could hardly be more obvious. I move that we just carry on with that for another few millennia, see how it goes. Meeting adjourned.
DILBERT: Now, hang on a minute.
GORDON: Ah, Dilbert, the floor is yours. Oh, yes, and the space just in the corner of my vision, if you'd prefer.
DILBERT: [SOUNDS LIKE SCARGILL, OR SIMILAR] This plan of ours is getting us nowhere. Our aims are too big. What about the politics of the personal? As a representative of The Ghosts Of People Who Died In Threshing Accidents, my members demand -
ANGUS: We've told you before, your severed limbs don't get separate votes!
DILBERT: My members and I demand that our corporeal elements are reunited and buried on hallowed ground. It is through these local initiatives that the best results for spriritkind will come about.
GORDON: And how have you ben communicating this request to the vale of tears?
DILBERT: I shifted an ashtray to the other side of a table.
GORDON: I honestly cannot see how you could have been clearer in your communication. Have you made any progress?
DILBERT: No. Plus I made the Stevensons' bathroom a little bit cold.
SALLY: At least send a consistent message, Dilbert! Don't bombard them with contradictory demands.
DILBERT: Contradictory demands, is it? The time for namby-pamby politeness is over! I intend to go back and....wobble a painting a bit.
GORDON: Did you say...wobble a painting?
DILBERT: Aye. A bit!
SALLY: [HUGE GASP]
GORDON: Those methods are entirely at odds with the ethos of respectful, rational and clear communication at the heart of our endeavour. I regret to inform you, Dilbert, that you are no longer welcome within the Spectral Commission.
DILBERT: Oh. But, is it OK if -
GORDON: And all your limbs are banned too.
DILBERT: Bloody hell!
GORDON: And I think I speak on behalf of all of us when I say, quite categorically, "wooo".
SALLY &: Wooo!
DILBERT: You didn't have to be so blunt about it. I bid you good day: Good day!
GORDON: Sorry about that, everyone. So, I think that wraps things up, I shall record this meeting as closed. Sally, could you pass me that pen?
SALLY: Of course, Gordon...just after I've rolled it a couple of inches to the left.
GORDON: [UNDER BREATH] Sally, not in public!
SALLY: [WHISPER] Wooo....