P: Archie! Good to see you, old thing. How was your trip to Oxford?
A: Oh, just wonderful, thank you, Patricia. I can't believe I'd never got around to visiting.
P: Yes, it's always the way, isn't it? One flies round the world, but never finds the time to explore the wonders of our own nation. So, tell me all about it.
A: Well, the crowning glory, was this little place we found for dinner.
P: Ever the galloping gourmand, Archie!
A: Indeed. I mean, we had to venture a few miles out of the centre, but I found this wonderful place. It's called, Wetherspoons
P: [PRONOUNCE IT ODDLY] Wethh-erspoooon. Sounds like old English.
A: Quite. I knew it would be good, you see, because it was simply full of the local people.
P: You're so right. You know, when I visited Oxford I found a place quite near the centre, but a little secret. As soon as I saw the locals queuing up, I just had to eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I assume Ken Tucky was the name of the chef or poulterer who started the business, in the middle ages.
A: Tucky! Oh yes, you can smell the farmstead. I must admit, we missed that one, but should I visit again, I shall be sure to sample their menu.
P: Along with the local people.
A: Along with the local people. Because, you know, I always believe that the less well-off people are, the more discerning they are regarding food. Against all available evidence
P: Me too! And did you visit the museum?
A: Goodness, no, chock full of tourists! I followed a charming local chap into a treasure trove called WH Smiths.
P: Oh, you adventurer.
A: Hours we spent there. WH Smith, it's called. But the W, H and S are all printed together, like a A & E in encyclopaedia.
P: Old English?
A: I assume so. I picked up publication there called Wallpaper, and I assume that was in Old English, because I couldn't understand a word of it.
P: Travel certainly does broaden the mind. So, are you coming to The Ritz for some foie gras before the opera?
A: [SIGH]If I must. Back to the old routine, eh?
P: Don't worry, there'll be another day in [PRONOUNCED AS MADLY AS POSSIBLE] WhhhhSmith by and by.