British Comedy Guide

Problem Panto

Avatar

Teddy Paddalack

  • Saturday 15th December 2018, 7:21am [Edited]
  • Everton, England
  • 3,190 posts

SCENE:
A drone flies slowly over the sleepy Scottish village of Loch Angry as its snow-covered roofs shimmer thanks to the contrasting dark grey of the mountainous back drop and the cold back water of the loch which is enhanced in its depth of colour by the contrast of its snowy banks.

The drone follows a man in a three -cornered hat who is carrying a cat as he tramps through the snow to a wooden church hall

Sign on Church Hall door
Loch Angry Panto Rehearsals

The seats are empty, and the cast is on stage rehearsing and the vicar is clearly the producer
VICAR
Now remember every time you say London there will be boos so don't let it put you off

The man in the 3- corner hat shouts up to the stage

MAN
I've got the cat

VICAR:
Good man McFergus were did you get it from?

MAN
I took the Wednesday ferry to Loch Isle

VICAR
Did you tell them what we wanted it for?

MAN
What do you take me for? I would have never gotten out of there alive

VICAR
Ok people gather round, now we have at least got the cat, so now surely one of you will play Dick Whittington?

A selection of voices rings out.

I'd rather play Fred West!

I'll not play the Lord Mayor of London, nor will I live under the boot of his ancestors

This is too controversial vicar I have bairns to worry about

Why can't we do Braveheart again?

VICAR
How many times we're not doing Braveheart again!

Avatar

Rood Eye

  • Saturday 15th December 2018, 8:37am
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

Broons? Do you mean 'bairns'?

In any event, it's a decent little sketch that doesn't try too hard to be funny and yet succeeds in being funny.

Avatar

Teddy Paddalack

  • Saturday 15th December 2018, 9:22am [Edited]
  • Everton, England
  • 3,190 posts

Thanks fir the read of it Rood and as for the spelling mistake I'd like to say it was intentional but we both know I'd be lying.