hfhfhfjf 12.12 - 20.12.18

Cule has-beans so c**tgratulations to GAPPY and ME for winkin'. Like masturbation contests, beat off stiff competition. PM me with a subject for next wank please. I will PM myself. I won't really. It's a joke. Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
1 - 10 - Gappy, me

Your next topic is THE MIND. I have changed my mind. The new one works better.
Rules: One entry / vote per human being. Anywank can enter regardless of sexual preference, inside ball measurement or humidity of testes, except Matt Cardle because he has kissed my favourite Spice Girl.
Can be a sketch, one-liner, song, whatever the f**k you like, as long as 'tis humourous and in some way linked to the topic.
Edit as much as you wank till it closes, i.e. 20.12.18.

Scorebored is now:
Position - Points - Name
1 - 20 - Gappy, me

1. Which Mr Man is notoriously 'happy'?
a Mr Grumpy
b Little Miss Perfect
c Mr Happy
2. Which Spice Girl was known as Geri Halliwell?
a Geri Halliwell
b Mel C
c Mel B
3. How do you spell 'goat'?
a GOAT
b HGFKHGFDKHGDKM
c HGFDKHDJGSAAJFS;HGF;:JF;:F;HGFD;H:_:KHJFJGSHDAZHDGSAgstaGHD:KJG:JFK
4. Which Beatles song goes 'Let it be, let it be, let it be yeah, let it be'?
a Hey Jude
b Let it be
3 Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey
5. Popular 90s rapper Betty Boo based her name on which cartoon character?
a The Flintstones
b Tom and Jerry
c Betty Boop
6. Which ex-Beatle formed 'Paul McCartney and Wings'?
a Ex-Beatle Paul McCartney (and Wings)
b George
c Ringo Starr
7. How old is a 15-year-old?
a 14
b 15
c 84706
8. Which comedy team is responsible for 'Monty Python's Flying Circus', 'Monty Python's And now for something completely different', 'Monty Python at the Hollywood Bowl', 'Monty Python And The Holy Grail', 'Monty Python's Meaning of Life', 'Monty Python's Big red Book', 'Monty Python's Brand New Papperbok' and 'The Best of Monty Python'?
a Laurel and Hardy
b Donald Trump
c Monty Python
9. Which songwritng team became known as Lennon-McCartney?
a The Spice Girls
b Lennon-McCartney
c Mick Jagger
10. Who is the main character in Richmal Crompton's William books? (Clue: they include Just William, More William, William Again, William The Fourth, Still William, William the Conqueror, William the Outlaw, William In Trouble, William the Good, William, William The Bad, William's Happy Days, William's Crowded Hours, William The Pirate, William The Rebel, William The Gangster, William The Detective, Sweet William, William The Showman, William The Dictator, William and Air Raid Precautions (also published as William's Bad Resolution), William and the Evacuees (also published as William and the Film Star), William Does His Bit, William Carries On, William and the Brains Trust, Just William's Luck, William - the Bold, William and the Tramp, William and the Moon Rocket, William and the Space Animal, William's Television Show, William the Explorer, William's Treasure Trove, William and the Witch, William and the Pop Singers, William the Ancient Briton, William and the Masked Ranger, William the Superman and William the Lawless)
a William
b Jack Dee
c Heidi
11. Did you enjoy this quiz?
Yes

1: Man, that is so surreal.

2: No it's not. You're misusing the term.

1: You saying it's not surreal? That big old fish in the middle of this...this -

2: Pond.

1: Yeah, pond.

2: It's not surreal to see a fish in a pond. You should know. You're a fish.

1: That's how I know fish are surreal.

2: Look, surrealism is about putting something mundane where you'd not normally find it. And there's always a fish there.

1: No there's not. Might be a bit to the left.

2: But there's always a fish somewhere.

1: Well, course. Durr.

2: There's always fish somewhere in this pond! The fact they might move about does not make that surreal.

1: What does it make it?

2: I'm not sure piscine locomotion can be mapped to any particular art movement.

1: [PAUSE] Is that surreal?

2: No. It's just a stupid. This conversation is stupid.

1: But as well as stupid, is this conversation about whether a fish is surreal surreal?

2: Of course not!

1: Aaaand...is that sur-

2: No! Look, Andre Breton, the founder of surrealism said that surrealism was "Psychic automatism in its pure state, by which one proposes to express the actual functioning of thought in the absence of any control exercised by reason, exempt from any aesthetic or moral concern".

1: What does that mean?

2: I don't know. I'm a fish.

1: Wooooah, dude. Surreal.

2: Shut up, it's not! Now, pass me that lobster, I need to make a phone call.

Well...

Well well...

Heard the one about the three holes in the ground?

Ha! Better than either entry, that one.

Shame it ain't mine.