- Wednesday 14th November 2018, 9:19pm
- 1,223 posts
I haven't posted in Critique for a long time. But I got a sketch I like and am having issues with the ending and other bits are not fitting with me, I like the idea of the sketch overall but not enough to go out and do it yet because it doesn't feel rounded.
So any ideas are welcome:
EXTERNAL DAY - CHRISTMAS DAY IN FACT - A MAN IS DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD - MUSIC IN CAR IS CHRISTMASY MUSIC.
HE NOTICES A FIGURE AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.
AS HE GETS CLOSER HE NOTICES IT IS SANTA THUMBING A LIFT.
MAN STOPS FOR SANTA.
Man: Where you going mate?
Santa: North Pole. Ho Ho Ho.
Man: I'm going as far as Swansea mate.
Santa: I suppose that will have to do. Ho Ho Ho.
SANTA JUMPS IN THE CAR.
THEY DRIVE A LITTLE - NOT MUCH.
Man: Out all night partying was you mate?
Santa: No, I was delivering presents. And just as I got back up on the roof some idiot let a firework off and it frightened the reindeers and they all scarpered. I been looking for them all morning. Ho Ho Ho.
Man: Oh Right.
Santa: I been stuck on the roof for hours shouting for Rudolph. A few people passed me and I asked them for help. but they just thought I was some sort of Christmas decoration. Ho Ho Ho
Man: Oh right.
SANTA LOOKS UP TO THE SKY QUICKLY AND GESTURES FOR MAN TO SLOW DOWN.
MAN SLOWS THE CAR A LITTLE.
Santa: Aw bugger, I thought I spotted Rudolph then, but it was just a balloon with his face on it. Ho,Ho Ho.
THEY DRIVE ON SILENTLY FOR A SHORT WHILE.
Santa: I'm not looking forward to breaking the news to the Elves, and the wife is going to go nuts. I've only got third party fire and theft. Ho Ho Ho
Man: They might be waiting for you when you get home. My dog ran away once and we drove around for miles looking for him and then when we got home, he was there sleeping in his basket.
Santa: How did he get back into the house? Ho Ho Ho.
Man: My wife left the back door open just in case.
Santa: Good idea. Do you mind if I take a little nap? It's been a long night. Ho Ho Ho.
Man: No, you carry on.
SANTA SETTLES HIMSELF INTO THE SEAT AND CLOSES HIS EYES - SECONDS LATER HE IS SNORING.
AS HE SNORES AFTER EACH SNORE HE SAYS HO HO HO ( SNORE, HO HO HO. SNORE, HO HO HO)