[ALL make high pitched whining hum]
JACK: Alright, everyone, ready for the off?
[Chorus of whines]
Great. Gavin, what are you carrying?
GAVIN: Yellow fever.
JACK: Brilliant. Agnes?
AGNES: Malaria, boss.
JACK: Nice work. And I've got some juicy encephalitis on board. So, mosquito team, let's get out there and get biting!
BRIAN: Err, hang on.
JACK: What is it, Brian?
BRIAN: Just this once, can we not carry diseases?
JACK: How do you mean?
BRIAN: I mean, we could go out and bite people, sure, but skip the bit about giving them diseases. Because I kind of don't see the point.
JACK: But you used to ace the diseases, Bri. You always had some dengue fever to hand. Won the Employee of the Month 5 times last year, remember? We called you the Dengue Daddy, you loved that.
BRIAN: Yeah, I did, right, but I've been thinking, let's take a little time off. Instead of giving people diseases, why don't we give them nice stuff?
GAVIN: What for?
BRIAN: Well, so they like us better. It's basic PR, isn't it? Maybe fewer of us would get squashed, if people thought we were sort of nice.
JACK: I don't get it.
BRIAN: Look, we're already unpopular, right? First off, we bite people and make them all itchy.
JACK: But that's what we do. It's all part of nature's elegant dance.
BRIAN: Yeah, I know. So we keep that, obviously. And then we make this sort of whiny noise that people don't really like.
[Chorus of loud whines]
Yeah, thanks, that one. Even I find it a bit annoying, if I'm honest.
AGNES: Oh, hands off the whining; I love the whining.
JACK: You can't change the whine, Brian, it's who we are. It's all part of Mother Nature's glorious unceasing pavanne.
BRIAN: I agree. But, with all that lot in our public image debit column, can't we just ditch the diseases?
JACK: But, we've always done the diseases thing. It's in nature's funky conga line of -
BRIAN: Will you stop doing that! Look, I'm just saying, can't we try giving something pleasant?
GAVIN: Like what?
BRIAN: I dunno. Nectar points?
JACK: What are they?
BRIAN: I...err...actually, I've no idea. But we could give other things. Chocolates. Advice. Massages!
AGNES: Massages, Brian?
BRIAN: Yeah. A nice relaxing massage, in exchange for a mouthful of blood. Fair deal.
JACK: Brian, just think about the size of your limbs for a moment. And then try to imagine the relative size of the average human. Then, extrapolating logically, have a guess how effective your muscle rub will be.
GAVIN: Plus, we'd be whining at the time - none of us is giving up the whining - which will affect the relaxing atmosphere pretty adversely.
JACK: Brian, we're getting nowhere, and time is ticking away. Why don't you strap on some dengue, get out there and fall into Mother Earth's jazz-fusion modern jive, as you always have before?
BRIAN: No way! I'm out of here. You old fuddy-duddies don't get it. You old stick-in-the-bloods. It's time for a change! I'm going to make humanity love creepy crawlies, and if you mosquitoes won't join me, I'll go elsewhere.
JACK: Alright, you loony. Bye.
[Chorus of whines disappears into distance]
BRIAN: Right, here goes. What other creatures get a bad press? Oh, yeah, spiders! I'll go find a spider and we'll brainstorm some promo concepts.
[Small single whine]
Hey! Hi, there, Mr Spider?
SPIDER: Yes, little fly?
BRIAN: I was wondering whether you fancied talking about tweaking your image and -
SPIDER: [Huge gulping noise] Mmmm. Eating flies. It's all part of Nature's eternal quadrille. Tasty, tasty quadrille.