British Comedy Guide

Condom Jesus

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Tommyc94

  • Monday 15th October 2018, 9:05pm
  • Southport, United Kingdom
  • 15 posts

So condom Jesus was the second joke iv wrote but I lose it at the end and therefore will have to re write it however it's still an entertaining story same as before please give your opinion

I was walking towards the corner shop and a large old lady on a moped flys past me and pulls up outside the shop I'm walking to and goes inside I'm still about 30 yards away from the store when I notice a guy who looks like Jesus he had long hair down to his shoulders a beanie hat on and a blue t shirt he was running as fast as he could towards the shop when I went inside the old lady was at the till paying for her shopping she was taking her time paying like most old people do she was counting every penny before handing it over to the shop keeper I noticed that Jesus was getting inpatient he starts huffing and puffing clicking his fingers bouncing on the spot then he spins round on the spot and gives me a crazed look his eyes then go really large the old woman finally leaves the till and I'm thinking to my self dam this guy must need a cigarette or a drink real bad he rushes to the till he then watched the woman leave the shop before leaning in over the counter and whispers something into the shop assistants ear the shop assistant nods his head and reaches up into the top left corner he pulls down a pack of condoms before handing them over To Jesus he snatches them as quick as he can and shoved them into his pocket but because he's rushing there only half in his pocket he quickly pays and makes a bolt for the exit as he leaves the door I hear a slight thud I look over and shaw enough Jesus has dropped his condoms on the floor by the time I left the shop he was nowhere to be seen so I the rush he was in could only mean one thing in my head anyway Jesus must of been about to do the thing when his other half went have you got anything babe I guarantee this was his response no haven't you can I not just pull out his gf will of been like no Hunni you no it doesn't work that way you'll have to go the shop could you imagine his disappointment when he gets back in the room and reaches for his pocket the panic would be real people you no that his gf will of told him he's lost it for pretending he went the shop and waiting in the kitchen for 5 mins

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Will Cam

  • Monday 15th October 2018, 9:17pm
  • England
  • 8,018 posts

Similar to your other one Tommy. This is just a story. Print it off. Then mark on it where you are expecting people to laugh. Then read it out loud and imagine an audience sitting there through all of the rest. Forget telling just a story unless you can litter it with Jokes. Ronnie Corbett's producer stories in the 2 Ronnies is the best example. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94MHFI-Cztg&list=RD94MHFI-Cztg

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Tommyc94

  • Monday 15th October 2018, 9:46pm
  • Southport, United Kingdom
  • 15 posts
Quote: Will Cam @ 15th October 2018, 9:17 PM

Similar to your other one Tommy. This is just a story. Print it off. Then mark on it where you are expecting people to laugh. Then read it out loud and imagine an audience sitting there through all of the rest. Forget telling just a story unless you can litter it with Jokes. Ronnie Corbett's producer stories in the 2 Ronnies is the best example. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94MHFI-Cztg&list=RD94MHFI-Cztg

Thanks for getting back to me I'll definitely take a look at the link it might sound stupid me saying this but I actually intended them to come across as a story on here and when I tell them I like to try and take what might of been a painfull situation at the time and turn it into something funny same as everyday things like walking the corner shop I do personally feel like you might of hit the nail on the head with what you said about how I tell the story I do personally feel like the way I gel it does include a lot of body and facial actions iv 100% taken on what you've said so I'll try re write them soon and re post them again

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Rood Eye

  • Wednesday 17th October 2018, 11:43am [Edited]
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

There is an audience for this type of thing but you won't find that audience in every pub or every club on every night of the week.

When this sort of stuff goes down well, it's the performance rather than the content that is the key to its success.

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Paul Wimsett

  • Wednesday 17th October 2018, 1:26pm
  • Folkestone, United Kingdom
  • 3,392 posts

Have you ever used the internet, Tommy? There are these things called capitals, you'll find them everywhere.

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Tommyc94

  • Thursday 18th October 2018, 7:01am
  • Southport, United Kingdom
  • 15 posts

Capitals as in letters or city's ??