ANGELA: A security flaw in the Conservative Party conference app has exposed hundreds of MPs phone number and personal details. Tory chairman Brandon Lewis refused to resign saying that it was a catastrophic and humiliating blunder, to elect Theresa May, and if she won't go why should he? But how at risk are Tory MPs to fraudsters now?
FX: PHONE RINGING/PHONE ANSWERED
TUSK: Hello, I'm from NatWest's fraud department; can I confirm I'm speaking to a Mr Boris Johnson?
BOJO: [BORIS NOISES]
TUSK: Okay clearly I am... there appears to have been some suspicious activity in your bank accounts and we need to go through some security questions to help protect you. First, can you give us the first four digits of your PIN number?
BOJO: Yes it's 1972.
TUSK: And can you just confirm your telephone password?
BOJO: Yes that's 'phwar-phwar-phwar-phwar-phwar-phwar... phwar'
TUSK: Aha! It's not really the NatWest bank! It is I, master of impressions, Donald Tusk. You've just been Tusked! I have access to all your cash now; good luck not paying the 39 billion pound exit bill after all!
BOJO: Darn you, you pesky rascal, you're a bigger fraudster than the side of one of my buses!
FX: PHONE HUNG UP
BOJO: Oh no! That was a real Blow-jo to BoJo's ego! How am I going to pay for my highly fashionable haircuts now?
FX: PHONE RINGING/PHONE ANSWER
THERESA MAY: [ACTUALLY DONALD TUSK PRANK CALLING HIM AGAIN] Hello Boris, Theresa here. After a long and hard contemplation I've realised that you are the best person to lead Brexit. As such I will be resigning tomorrow and throwing my support behind your leadership challenge.
BORIS: Well finally some good news - guffaw - thank you Prime Minister, or should I say ex-Prime Minister - phwar, phwar - I'm glad you finally took note of all my very subtle hints -
TUSK: Aha! It is not really Theresa May, it is I, Donald Tusk again! I got you good Boris. That's two Tusks, two Tusks! In Strasbourg we call that an African Elephant!
BORIS: To heck with you Polish swine! You're more manipulative than a Leave EU campaigner.
FX: PHONE HUNG UP
BORIS: This has been a horrid day, BoJo needs to get his mojo back. Maybe I should call one of my inexplicable female admirers?
FX: PHONE DIALLING/PHONE RINGING
MALGORZATA: Well hello there, who may I ask is calling?
BORIS: Hello there Malgorzata, it's your little, bushy blonde haired squeeze.
TUSK: Aha! It is not really Malgorzata! It is I, Donald Tusk. I got you again there Boris... wait... how did you get my wife's telephone number?
BORIS: Oh blast and yikes!
FX: PHONE HUNG UP
