- Friday 12th October 2018, 12:12am [Edited]
- United Kingdom
- 156 posts
Quote: electronat @ 11th October 2018, 6:01 PM
Ah, the emails are out and yet again not a peep for me...! Here's what didn't make it:
1. An NHS supplier that failed to dispose of amputated body parts is facing criminal investigation. When questioned they immediately held their hands up.
2. Artificial Intelligence could bring an end to famine, claims World Bank president Jim Yong Kim, because food will become obsolete after the robot apocalypse.
AND MY SKETCH...
ROCK AND ROLL PHD
1. ANGELA: This week it's been reported that UK Universities are looking to hire 'superstar' professors to boost their rankings. Does this mean that Dr Dre's latest album now attracts UCAS points? And will the BBC be launching Top of the Profs? Let's hope that this new superstar status doesn't go to their egg-heads.
2. FX: HELICOPTER LANDING
3. DEAN: (SHOUTING OVER HELICOPTER) Ah, here he is now... our brand new signing, Professor O'Shea, welcome, I'm the Dean of...
4. BODYGUARD: Not so fast. If you could just step back behind the line there, sir.
5. DEAN: Who are you?
6. BODYGUARD: Head of Security for 'The Shizzle'.
7. DEAN: The Shizzle?
8. BODYGUARD: It's his new lectern name. MC Shizzle Phd.
9. DEAN: Oh, OK.. I guess we'll need to change the sign on his office door then.
10. BODYGUARD: Office? I think you mean Dressing Room? With a walk-in wardrobe for his designer ermine robes. And they'll need to be embroidered with his name, too. In diamonds.
11. DEAN: Erm... the other academic staff don't have...
12. BODYGUARD: Do the other academic staff have a platinum-selling thesis...?
13. DEAN: No, I don't suppose they do... So how do I spell Shizzle?
14. BODYGUARD: You don't. It's a symbol he made up. It looks a bit like E=MC2... only cleverer.
15. DEAN: Cleverer than E=MC2?
16. BODYGUARD: Are you questioning the wisdom of The Shizzdom?
17. DEAN: No, no. Of course not.
18. BODYGUARD: Good, now on to the rest of his rider?
19. DEAN: His rider?
20. BODYGUARD: 20 white kittens, 10 white doves, 5 white puppies...
21. DEAN: And a partridge in a pear tree?
22. BODYGUARD: WHat? No, he hates pears. Too pretentious.
23. DEAN: Of course they are, sorry.
24. BODYGUARD: And he's going to need a TV.
25. DEAN: Actually, the lecture theatre comes installed with a rear-mounted projection system.
26. BODYGUARD: How's he going to throw a rear-mounted projection system out of the window?
27. DEAN: Er... he's not?
28. BODYGUARD: And the front five rows are for his entourage and VIP's only. No exceptions.
29. DEAN: Does that include me?
30. BODYGUARD: Big fan are you?
31. DEAN: Well, I was quite impressed with his theory of thermal dynamics.
32. BODYGUARD: Yeah, that's my favourite, too and they say the second thesis is the hardest to write. Pity the critics thought it was derivative. 2 stars in New Scientist yet Tim Berners Lee gets 5 every time because his research makes it easier to look at mucky pictures.
33. DEAN: So is that everything?
34. BODYGUARD: No, the most important thing is that no-one, under any circumstances is to look at His Shizzleness directly.
35. DEAN: What about the students?
36. BODYGUARD: Especially them. And he won't be taking questions either.
37. DEAN: Well, I suppose that's the price we pay for genius, eh? OK, so I just need a quick signature on his contract.
38. BODYGUARD: Sorry pal... No autographs.
Liked your jokes..wondered if you could maybe say 'held their hands up to it'. But maybe not. It is a personal thing.
Interesting sketch premise. Liked the autograph joke. I didn't quite understand the joke about Tim Berners Lee but that could be my stupidity. Some of the words could be cut down a bit if you don't mind me saying.
I won't put my sketch up as it just looks weird to me now. I liked it when I wrote it..