So, a reworked version of this sketch made the show. I thought it might be interesting for some to see what I submitted.
A few thoughts:
I was initially a tad miffed that they removed my explicit references to Brexit at the end but on reflection the intro actually deals with this so the satirical element is still there.
The serious intro leading into subsequent silliness works really well - though not sure I'd have submitted something like this as I'm generally keen to get to laughs asap.
The main character having family problems initially seemed to detract from the target of the sketch. However, apart from providing some great laughs it gives the voice character/backstory when it would otherwise have been a bland 'announcer'.
The final piece feels a lot longer than mine - possibly longer than anything I would have submitted. It almost makes mine seem like little more than 'an idea.' I could be wrong, I've asked to see the final script version to compare.
Overall, I'm satisfied that this both captures the spirit of my submission and significantly improves upon it!
(Apologies if the formatting is a bit all over the shop here)
LORRYLAND
ANGELA: It was revealed this week that the government's contingency no-deal Brexit plans would take so long to implement that traffic congestion around the UK's ports would be inevitable - yet another Brexit blow to the UK economy.
I actually went to see the closed section of the M20 where lorries park while waiting to cross the Channel; I have to be honest, as days out in Kent go it beats a trip to Maidstone hands down.
Newsjack can now exclusively reveal that the government has authorised the conversion of the lorry park into an exciting family theme park in an attempt to claw back some of that lost Brexit cash...
GRAMS: UPBEAT JINGLE
ANNOUNCER: LorryLand - A load of fun for everyone!
FX: CHILDREN CHEER
ANNOUNCER: LorryLand is the ultimate adventure theme park experience where children and adults alike can ride and drive REAL lorries. Well, maybe not ride and drive but definitely look at and maybe sit in if you find a driver who'll let you.
CHILD: Wow mummy, that sounds amazing!
ANNOUNCER: Fun for all ages, LorryLand with its 2,000 heavy goods vehicles and array of additional activities is the ideal theme park for small to large groups looking for a truly unique experience.
CHILD: Daddy, you'll take me if you love me.
ANNOUNCER: The price of admission includes the following attractions:
Writing obscene messages in the dirt on a lorry's trailer;
Helping to search vehicles for skilled professionals attempting to escape to the EU;
Cadging a fag from a French lorry driver;
CHILD: Mummy, what's a fag?
ANNOUNCER: Counting how many red lorries you can see.
SERIOUS ANNOUNCER: Subject to availability; management reserves the right to change colour at short notice.
ANNOUNCER: Sitting in the cab pretending to drive a lorry;
SERIOUS ANNOUNCER: Height restrictions apply.
ANNOUNCER: And anything else we think of which involves lorries!
With family tickets starting at only £1,500 visit LorryLand today, because this is what passes for entertainment in a post-Brexit economy!
GRAMS: MUSIC ENDS
CHILD: Mummy, Daddy, can we go to LorryLand, pleeaase?
PARENT: No sweetie, since Brexit we can't afford to do nice things. Now be a good boy and eat up your roadkill.
END.