Just for the record...
SALES: And, with its sturdy wipe-clean carapace and luxurious, florally scented integral
super-down cushioning, the Babysoft Hyperslumber is a revolution in cradle
technology, and I urge you to invest in the product for a rosy future: whilst the babe
snoozes soundly, the money comes rolling in.
1: Well, that was a very impressive pitch, Mr Huckerberry. I can see many advantages
in your specialist cot design, but there is one question that troubles me. I wonder,
perhaps, whether the thought has crossed the minds of any of my colleagues.
2: Yes, I had a little worry, a minor qualmette, if you will: I'm not sure that
the huge cast iron grapple that you have connected to the cradle is quite congruent
with the rest of the design.
3: Yes, that was what I wondered. The vast clamp system does seem at odds with the
bunny motif print, fetching though it is.
SALES: Ah, you've noticed that. Well, first up, I suspect the average mother in the street
won't have your expert eyes, and many people probably wouldn't even spot the
1: The massive metal chain.
SALES: The massive metal chain, yes. But, more importantly, although it might be slightly
awkward visually, I can assure you that it's absolutely essential. For,
gentlemen, without the aid of a sturdy suspension device like this, there would be no
sure method of securing the cradle to the treetop.
SALES: Quite so. Safety first, my friends, safety first and aesthetics second.
3: Sorry, can I just go back to my colleague's earlier comment of...treetop?!
SALES: Treetop, indeed.
1: As in the top of a tree?
SALES: Aha! Yes, I was saving the best until last! The Babysoft Hyperslumber is a labour
saving device that not only frees Mum up for her busy lifestyle, but also runs entirely
on natural, renewable energy. All you do is attach the crib to a treetop -
you see, suddenly massive metal chain doesn't seem so dumb! - and the baby will
be lulled to sleep in nature's caring arms.
1: Oh, I see! So, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock?
SALES: Got it in one.
2: Ah, well, that's a brilliant idea.
1: Yes, I think you can count us as all in favour of this marvellous innovation. Shall we
3: No, hang on a minute, I can think of an issue.
2: Oh, yes: birds! Birds might sit on the baby.
3: Well, yeah, they might, but more importantly -
1: Rain! You'd need a tarpaulin of some sort to keep out the rain.
3: Forget the tarpaulin! When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
right, all very nice and cosy, but what about when the bough breaks?
SALES: Well, that's a not a big deal. When the bough breaks the cradle will f- oh.
1: F**k a duck! I didn't think of that.
2: No nor did I. Neither did I think of how the parent would get the cradle up the tree,
how the parent would get down from the tree, what to do if you don't have a tree, and
that it's stupid to involve a tree.
SALES: Yes, well, you've caught me on all those issues, I have to admit. Funny, all those
months of research and computer modelling, and this stuff never came up. You live
and learn. Pity I didn't have a baby of my own, the problem might have been evident
3: You're not a family man, then?
SALES: Oh, no, we had a baby...and then there was that little mixup with the bathwater...