1: Alright, Gladys. You're looking chipper.
2: Indeed I am, Ralph. I ticked something off my bucket list today.
1: Cor, well done, that's brilliant. I mean, just last month you said you'd never made a bucket list.
2: I know. So I did, and I've now ticked something off. In fact, I've ticked everything off.
1: What? In one month?
2: Yes. Well, I have to be honest, there was only actually one thing on it.
1: Oh. Right. Still, good for you. What was it? Must have been something pretty special, to be the only thing on your bucket list.
2: Indeed. It was "tick something off my bucket list".
1: Your bucket list consisted solely of ticking something off your bucket list?
1: That's pointless. Why?
2: So that people like you don't keep going on about bucket lists, because they're clearly a thinly veiled method of boasting about how many cool things you do, and making me feel bad. How many cool things you do with your vast inheritance. How many cool and expensive things.
1: I don't think that's quite fair.
2: So, I've got a bucket list, and now I've ticked everything off on it, which means I win, and you can't keep going on at me, and you can't be all smug and annoying, and I win.
1: So, if your one item is to tick off an item, why did you tick it off?
2: What do you mean? I ticked it off because ticking it off means I've done the thing which allows me to tick it off. So I ticked it off.
1: No. You can't tick it off until you've done the thing that allows you to tick it off, and since said thing is ticking it off, which you can't do until you've done it, you're not allowed to tick it off. You're never allowed to tick it off.
2: No...but...because when I tick it...oh.
1: Yep, no bucket list for you, Gladys! And also, ha, isn't that something? I get to tick something off my bucket list - "Create a paradox and destroy the dreams of a friend or acquaintance": tick! Unambiguously tick!
2: I hate you and I wish I'd never met you or heard of your bucket list and I wish you were a bucket you stupid...bucket...and, if you were a bucket I'd wee in you then throw you in a bigger bucket and shout "f**k the f**king bucket!", you bucket.
1: Hmmm. Coincidentally, making someone say that sentence was also on my bucket list. Never thought I'd tick that off, I'll be honest. And, oh look, I've now done all the things that prove I've had a fulfilling life. Right, I'm off skiing and scuba-diving at the same time. Bye!
2: [VAST SIGH]