British Comedy Guide

Pilot comedy script

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GIL

  • Thursday 28th December 2017, 1:03pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 1 posts

It's a sitcom about an 29 year old man (JORDAN) Who has just split up with his girlfriend and is trying to get her back but the universe seems to be doing everything to get in his way. This is set one year earlier it's a flashback over the other episodes we watch Jordan build character, a concept I feel the an audience can relate with and want to invest into him we follow his trails and tribulations.

Logline.

With a new tactic for facing life Jordan reflects on how things were one year earlier

Synopsis.

Despite not having touched drugs for a long time, Jordan arranges to score some drugs for his friend JIMMY to impress a girl Jimmy is trying to get with. Arfter first getting into the wrong car ( a startled family instead of the drug runners) Jordan is then spotted and arrested by a special constable. As well as seen by AMY Jordan's ex girlfriend who he is desperately trying to back this didn't go down well.

As an apology for getting him into trouble Jimmy arranges for a red letter day gift for fishing and tackle that one of his patients have given to him. Jordan accidentally wielding his rod at the ensuing crowd equally doesn't go down to well.

Jimmy then takes Jordan to the pub with some friends and their depressing lives make him want to change his worldview. He walks home decides to drop in the arcade, but some kids steal his game credits and he retaliates by smacking them with a newspaper. Their teenage sisters come over and beat Jordan up he can't do a lot cos he doesn't want to hit girls, so leaves with no dignity what so ever.

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beaky

  • Thursday 28th December 2017, 1:52pm
  • Malaga and Brighton, United Kingdom
  • 2,701 posts

Why not post ten pages so we can see what your writing's like?

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Crindy

  • Thursday 28th December 2017, 4:46pm
  • England
  • 116 posts

Yep, stick up an excerpt or the scipt pdf and I'll give it a read. :)

The only thing I'd say about the synopsis is it sounds like three completely unrelated 'bits' (a drug deal, something to do with fishing and a trip to the arcade). Might be nice to try and form them into a more cohesive plot. Also, I'm not sure why this has to be a flashback to a year ago (especially if he's already split up with the girl by that point). But for all I know that's all answered in the script. :)

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beaky

  • Sunday 7th January 2018, 10:50am
  • Malaga and Brighton, United Kingdom
  • 2,701 posts

Can't you cut and paste something?