British Comedy Guide

Katie's comedy



  • Saturday 16th December 2017, 12:40pm
  • Hertfordshire, United Kingdom
  • 5 posts

Englishman Irishman Scotsman went to see Father Christmas - "you're in luck said Father Christmas I'm retiring this year you can have anything of mine you like
Wow said the Englishman I'd love your reindeers the grand kids would love them
Consider it done said Father Christmas what about you he said looking at the Scotsman
Oh I'd love the sledge said the Scotsman the grand kids would love to play in that
What about you he said looking at the Irishman
Oh I'd love your sack said the Irishman
Oh yes said Father Christmas very clever you get all the left over presents I bet the grand kids would love them
Oh no said the Irishman I don't want the presents it would be far to heavy

Two women talking
I caught my husband trying on one of my dresses
Oh know how did you find out ?
I was wearing it at the time

Two women talking
One to another I caught my husband wearing one of my dresses earlier
Oh poor you that must have been an awful shock
Oh it was I was hoping to wear it to the Christmas party tonight .

Two transvestites talking one to the other ,
One says to the other I went out with a man last night WOW I've never seen one that big before it was so big it made my eyes go funny
Wow sex on the first date said the other
Sex ? Said the other one looking surprised - Of course not he took me to the pictures , the screen was enormous

Two women talking

Oh Ethel I think my Jimmys one of them - transvestites
Oh come on don't be so ridiculous what on earth makes you say that
Well lately he's been looking at women in a different way
Don't be silly they all do that it's only natural
And I looked at his browsing history on the computer he's been looking at stockings and suspenders
Oh Dot you're so nieve , lots of men do that as well
And yesterday I came home from work early and he was watching loose women
Oh dear I see what you mean , you might be right

Policeman knocks at a house

Hello are you Dorothy Parker
Yes that's me , is there a problem
Can we come in and sit down I'm afraid I've got some bad news about your husband can you come to,the station to identify him
Oh my god he's not dead is he
No he's not dead it's worse than that ,
Worse how can it be worse - oh no , no please , please not that anything but that
I'm so sorry, it must come as a terrible shock
Oh no oh my god how could he - he promised me that he wouldn't go out in my clothes again

Two women talking
I think that my Albert has started to wear my knickers , they are stretched and far to big for me now
But that doesn't mean anything they could have caught in the washing machine
Yes , well that's what I thought until I found my tights in his suit pocket

What do,you call a very very old transvestite who has had far too much to drink
A trannysauruswrecked

An Englishmen a,Scotsman and a transvestite went to see Father Christmas and he said you can have anything that you like but it can't cost any money
OK said the Englishmen I'd like a nice bushy beard just like yours
No problem said Father Christmas I'll give you some tips
What about you he said to the Scotsman
Well I'd like a bigger under carriage so I have more success with women
Well you can have my viagra pills said Father Christmas , I don't use them

What about you he said to,the transvestite - well said the transvestite I've got both of them and am trying to get rid of them

Two transvestites talking
One says to the other
I'm going out with a man tonight and I'm a bit worried it's my first time
There's nothing to worry about just decide before hand so you both know what you want , that way everyone knows the score
Yes that's a good idea , I think that he wants to take charge
Are you happy about that ?
Well not really , I want to meet him half way
Well tell him , that's what you want
Yes I will , I am worried about the money
Money ?
Yes I'm not sure whether to pay cash or cheque
Don't tell me you're paying for it
Well of course they won't be giving food away for nothing at the restaurant

Two transvestites talking
I can't believe it I caught my wife wearing one of my dresses
Oh my god how awful
Yes I know she could have at least waited until I was out

Two women talking

I was so hurt last night my Billy came and plonked himself in front of the telly last night in one of my dresses
Oh god that's just not on that's awful
That's just what I said , he knew that I wanted to watch the strictly come dancing final

I was looking through a local magazine and saw and advert that said model trans wanted
Oh I thought i think I'll go along to that
I arrived nice and early and was a bit worried because there were lots of me in raincoats standing around
I tried to be positive and told myself that they'd probably change later
One of them approached me
I'm sorry he said but I'm afraid there's been a mistake in some of the magazines
I'm sorry I don't understand I said
There was a print error in some of the magazines they missed of an i
He could see that I still looked puzzled
Instead of model trans it should have said model trains wanted , I'm so sorry

I decided to go to my local church as Katie and was just about to go through the big doors when someone tapped me on the shoulder
I'm afraid you can't go in there like that there are rules about it
But it's 2017 and I've dressed conservatively - I was told that transgender people were welcome at this church
Oh you are, you are more than welcome but you still have to obey the rules he said pointing to a notice that said no e cigarettes allowed

I was dressed as Katie at the local fish and chip shop and I had enough and was completely full up
An angry women approached me
I think you should be ashamed of yourself
I'm sorry I said taken aback but it's a free country I can dress how I like
I don't give a monkey what you wear she said but there are people starving out there and you waste food like that she said looking at the pile of Chips that I'd left on my plate

I decided to brave it and do the school run as Katie
Everything went fine and I was walking back to my car when an angry man approached me
I think it's a disgrace he said you should be ashamed of yourself
Look I said I cleared it with the school and they were quite happy that I came dressed like this
He was quiet for a moment then he started again
I not talking about that he said - parking Is a nightmare outside the school and you only live 5 minutes away couldn't you have walked

Two women talking

One says I've accepted my husband is a transvestite but now I think he likes men as well
What makes you say that
Well I've found naked pictures of men he's been looking at on the Internet
Well maybe that's something they all go through
Yes I can undressed that but there's more
More how do you mean ?
Well it's the photos
Well who was it then?
It was Jeremy Clarkson
Oh dear god that is bad , I thought he had better taste than that

I was in a bar dressed as Katie and a man came came over and smiled at me
You look just like lady Di he said
Oh thank you I said fluttering my eye lids but I know I don't
Oh you do he said I've just been watching Eastenders on the telly

Two women talking

I caught my Alf dressed really weird last night
Oh god that's awful
Want did he say ?
Well he said he wants to go out like it
Oh my god !
Yes I know but I put my foot down I said I don't mind he can do it when I'm out
I think that's very fair not many women would put up with their wife being a transvestite
TRANSVESTITE - he ain't a bloody transvestite I'm talking about his onesie

A woman confronts her transvestite husband 
You promised me you would stop - it was your New Years resolution 
I have honest , I haven't done it for weeks 
Don't lie to me I know that you have 
But I really haven't 
John three  of my best friends have seen you 
It couldn't have been me 
John three of my friends saw you coming out macdonalds with a Big Mac 



  • Saturday 16th December 2017, 2:53pm
  • Hertfordshire, United Kingdom
  • 5 posts

Two men in a shop served by a transvestite

One to another
"I wouldn't say no"
"REALLY , you are having me on ?"
"No, I'm not I've always liked them "
"WOW , I've known you thirty years and I never knew that , you kept that quiet"
"Well it's not something that you broadcast is it !"
"I suppose not but it's a different world now "
"Yeah I suppose so but - it's still a bit of a stigma "
"Have you ever , you know done it "
"Oh yeah loads of times but my mum always tried to stop me "
"WHAT , you're mum knew ?"
"Oh yeah she's tried to stop me but she knew she couldn't stop me when I got older "
"What's it like ?"
"Oh it's lovely , once you try it you're hooked , you should try it "
"Er thanks but no thanks I think I'll pass on that but I'm not judging you , if that's what you want you should go for it , you only live once "
"Do you think I should ?"
"Yeah to right I do , go on do it "
"What , like now ?"
"No time like the present is there "
"Yeah you're right , ok- here goes "
"Excuse me love "
"How can I help "
Clears throat nervously " Can I have a curly Wurly please "