- Wednesday 11th October 2017, 10:23pm [Edited]
- United Kingdom
- 144 posts
Quote: JonT @ 10th October 2017, 8:48 PM
Just catching up with all these. Bloody hell, the standard is good. You could make a solid show of oneliners just from these that never even made the "nearly" stage, let alone all the people that submit but don't post on here. I'll stop berating myself for failures.
@Thosisd Thought the bags for life oneliner was v good
@Mrkgrngr Love the pigs wings oneliner
@Danno Really liked the home delivery oneliner and the bodyclock number cruncher
@Bigger Piece really like the Johnson poem one but the Plath joke might be too close to the knuckle for NJ! Not sure I quite get the references for the sketch, but may have missed the news story.
@TurkeyNotTheBird like the Puerto Rico one and number cruncher made me chuckle too
@Goalo Thought these were all strong, unlucky not to get on.
@Ponderer Favourites are 1 and 3 of the breaking newses. How did I miss the beach bollocks story??
@Damian B I thought the number crunchers were v good.
@BTF liked both of those
@skram Thought these were all strong, especially oneliners 1 & 3, and numbercruncher 1
@Exe Chris all v strong, especially first two
My rejects from last week:
1. Michael Gove has called for increased recycling of plastic bottles. The move would clean up beaches, protect marine life, and make it safer for the Environment Secretary to slither back into the ocean to spawn.
2. Theresa May has told interviewers she doesn't want a cabinet of "yes men". Instead she has five "Yes women", sixteen "Know-nothings" and one "No Boris, I said no, Boris... Oh for Christ's sake, Boris!"
3. Amber Rudd has accused technology giants of "patronising" politicians trying to regulate the industry. Ms Rudd had prepared a Powerpoint presentation on the topic, but resorted to her notes after it wouldn't go full-screen, the graphs had gone funny; and the clicky thing didn't work.
1. 2.2 million - number of voters in Catalonia's banned independence referendum;
100 million - people whose only interest is whether or not Barcelona will still be playing in the Spanish league for the release of Fifa 19.
2. 100 million - pounds forecast as loss for 2018, leading to the collapse of the Monarch airline;
17 - Number of gin and tonics in the VIP tent at Aintree, leading to the last time a Monarch collapsed.
And one I cut from this week as there were too many:
4. Gordon Strachan blamed Scotland's failure to qualify for the World Cup on "inferior genetics". He plans to clone Rob Roy with DNA extracted from a midge trapped in amber, saying it would "be easier than teaching that lot to defend a corner".
Last number cruncher very funny in particular
MONARCH one also and
Clicky thing and
Yes women...know nothings
More original than mine