ANGELA: Sainsbury's has announced that it will be making meat harder to find in order to encourage people to buy vegetables. Well the steaks have never been higher, you see they've put them all on the top shelf, oh never mind. But are they setting a dangerous precedent and where will it all end.
MANAGER: Hello madame what seems to be the problem
JENNY: I can't seem to find any meat produce
MANAGER: Well that's a relief I thought we might have left some on view by accident. Why do you require meat if I may ask
JENNY: Well I'm making a steak pie.
MANAGER: Did you know that you can make a steak pie using cabbage instead of steak
JENNY: Oh really? Does it taste nice
MANAGER: No it's absolutely foul of course Madame but it is much healthier
JENNY: Could you just point me in the direction of the meat section.
MANAGER: Of course, it's on Isle 7 & three quarters, it's a bit difficult to find at first but you just run through the wall between Isle 7 & 8
JENNY: That sounds painful, is there another way to get there.
MANAGER: Of course just walk to the end of this Aisle, then turn left, swing over the chasm and it should be right there
JENNY: Did you say Chasm? Your store has a Chasm
MANAGER: Well it's more of a fierey hell pit, but it does the job
JENNY: You seriously expect me to swing over a fierey pit, Isn't that dangerous
MANAGER: No not at all, swinging over is very safe, it's falling in that's dangerous, If you really don't fancy it we can just use the rickety rope bridge, come on I'll show you
JENNY: That does not look very safe at all
MANAGER: It's perfectly safe as long as you don't step on the gaps. Oh and there may be a Troll at the end of the bridge who will ask you three riddles, pretty simple really, the answer to number one is an Egg, number two is Summertime and the answer to number three is Dusty Bin.
JENNY: And can I get sausages there as well
MANAGER: No the Sausages are kept through here
FX METAL CAGE BEING OPENED
FX LION ROARS
MANAGER: Or they were here earlier, may have to rethink that one
JENNY: Pork Chops?
MANAGER: Ah they are a bit easier to find, you see that large fellow with the blood splattered apron & the meat cleaver, just go and see him & he'll fight you for as many chops as you need
JENNY: What about a leg of lamb
MANAGER: Well the lamb is just here help yourself
JENNY: So I can just grab some now can I?
MANAGER: Yes take what you need, & then prepare to run as fast as you can, because once the lamb is moved it will trigger a giant boulder to roll down towards us
JENNY: Well I don't fancy that much either, but I do still really need that Steak
MANAGER: Absolutely madame no problem at all, hung for 28 days?
JENNY: Yes that sounds lovely.
MANAGER: No I'm asking if you mind being hung for 28 days, and then after that we'll happily give you some steak
JENNY: Why are you doing this? I've never had this problem buying meat before
MANAGER: We're just trying to encourage healthy eating by promoting vegetables over meat think of it as a Carrott & stick type of situation
JENNY: Ah I see it's a sort of reward stroke punishment type policy
MANAGER: No. I'm just saying buy Carrotts instead or we'll hit you with a stick
END
