BREXIT Page 9

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Briosaid

  • Wednesday 16th October 2019, 8:18pm
  • Scotland
  • 1,294 posts
Quote: billwill @ 15th October 2019, 11:25 PM

For a solution to the Irish Border problem in Brexit, you really have to think "outside the box". Nothing proposed to date really cuts it.

Here's my latest suggestion.

The EU clearly think it is politically acceptable to have one member state of a Union on a different customs union than the main political union of which they are a member. That is, after all, what they want Northern Ireland to do for Brexit and there are other cases on the continent.

So as a solution we turn the concept (of NI remaining in the EU customs) union on its head, the EU should compromise and have the Republic of Ireland (let's call it by its old name Eire for short) leave the EU customs union and join the new UK customs union. That way there will be no border impediments at all between Eire and NI. Customs infra structure already exists for goods etc transported from Eire to the rest of the EU at ports such as Calais and Amsterdam, though they may need expanding a little to cater for Eire goods etc which used to pass through unchecked.

Strangely, Bill, you don't seem to have the bottle to take on the men who disagree with you on this. Bet if I posted you'd be in there like a shot.

Quote: billwill @ 15th October 2019, 7:36 PM

As one member of this forum insisted: "It's a joke" ....

By the way, Bill, if you think it's a joke to call somebody a Liar, you have a very weird sense of humour indeed. However your statement sounds to me like an embarrassed cop out, a bit like the time (on another forum) when you said somebody had hacked into your post and it wasn't you who wanted to share a bed with Pam.

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DaButt

  • Wednesday 16th October 2019, 9:21pm
  • The Lone Star State, United States
  • 13,700 posts
Quote: Briosaid @ 16th October 2019, 8:18 PM

Strangely, Bill, you don't seem to have the bottle to take on the men who disagree with you on this. Bet if I posted you'd be in there like a shot.

Perhaps it's because those men aren't as nasty about it as you tend to be?

Quote: Briosaid @ 16th October 2019, 8:18 PM

By the way, Bill, if you think it's a joke to call somebody a Liar, you have a very weird sense of humour indeed.

Everyone's sense of humor is different. Some people think it's a joke to threaten murder. Some think it's a joke to call someone a liar. Different strokes...

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Briosaid

  • Wednesday 16th October 2019, 9:31pm [Edited]
  • Scotland
  • 1,294 posts

You have very strange friends. Maybe Americans are different but I've never known anyone who thinks it's funny to call somebody a liar. And by the way, you haven't a clue what you're on about. Bill started this because of his obsession with Brexit. He's already had a fight with one of my friends on Facebook. Maybe you should keep your nose out of this. Let's face it, you're only muscling in because you think it's a chance to get at me. To put it bluntly - sod off.

Correction: I should have said, 'Sod off, Trump lover" which is possibly one of the worst insults a Briton can say.

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DaButt

  • Wednesday 16th October 2019, 9:57pm
  • The Lone Star State, United States
  • 13,700 posts
Quote: Briosaid @ 16th October 2019, 9:31 PM

Let's face it, you're only muscling in because you think it's a chance to get at me. To put it bluntly - sod off.

You're overestimating your importance by several orders of magnitude, but it's quite clear that you relish this kind of thing. I rarely participate, but sometimes ya gotta throw the dog a bone. :)

Quote: Briosaid @ 16th October 2019, 9:31 PM

I should have said, 'Sod off, Trump lover" which is possibly one of the worst insults a Briton can say.

Oh my, the pain. The PAIN!!!

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Briosaid

  • Wednesday 16th October 2019, 10:18pm
  • Scotland
  • 1,294 posts

Da Butt, you really need to keep up before you poke your nose in. Bill took exception to a mild statement by me about the monarchy ( he's ill-informed by the way). So he goes ape-shit. He then makes a statement about Brexit and various men disagree (I said nothing). However he doesn't have the guts to challenge them. Before you attack somebody you should do your homework. Now stop being a silly borè.

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billwill

  • Thursday 17th October 2019, 1:42am
  • North London, England
  • 5,815 posts

You must be getting desperate ; you see obsessions, challenges and insults which don't exist.

And now you are inventing non-existent past sex scenarios in attempt to embarrass me. I know that what you claim didn't happen, because I quite fancied sharing a bed with Pam and would have said so back then if the question had arisen.. Nowt wrong with two unattached persons getting together. Of course there might have been a problem with her boyfriend.

Two comments from forum members about the members of the Irish Republic, do not constitute a challenge, they are quite welcome to air their views on the above proposal. It's just a float idea, it's not a magic wand.

Do enlighten us about how I am ill informed about the way the monarchy is paid, all you've said so far is its more complicated than shown in official Treasury papers. But you can't can you because that was all bluster.

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A Horseradish

  • Thursday 17th October 2019, 8:45pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,077 posts

The Forthcoming DUP Manifesto

Distant sources close to me have revealed tonight that the DUP will go into the next election with a proposal to abolish the Irish Sea. The sea has long been a source of tension between Unionists and British Governments as its very existence is regarded as damaging to the integrity of the United Kingdom. As one unnamed spokesperson said to me via my extensive underground network up in the sky, "people praise the Major and Blair Governments but their decision to replace centuries of natural concrete there with water was diabolical and it is precisely why we are and aren't where we are now".

I understand that under the new DUP proposals, there will be a four stage process beginning with the towing of the Isle of Man by trawler so that it is relocated next to the Isle of Wight. Of itself the Isle is felt by many Unionists to be an unacceptable barrier to the United Kingdom's integrity and the moving of it is widely regarded as long overdue. In stage two, a state of the art hosepipe will carry a drill down through the unnatural Sea, some eight nautical miles east of Dun Laoghaire, to construct a bore hole. This will enable the water to drain out into an international inner space station believed to be close to the earth's core. There, the salt will be separated out and propelled upwards to the surface for use in a crisp manufacturing plant in the Congo. The water itself will be directed through a series of perpendicular tunnels to assist irrigation across the globe and to create the world's largest boating lake, almost certainly in Central Nepal. .

Stage three will see the drill continuing into the fourth stratum of prehistoric ready mix with a hadron collider affixed to it. That will split the concrete into tiny fragments with the aid of a hydraulic fluid which has yet to be invented to significantly reduce global warming by the year 3025. Stage four will involve the consequential flying up by g force of a large range of exotic creatures. While they have been extinct since the concrete was put down, that is presumably by one of the very earliest alliances of science and religion known to experts who doubt they are in any doubt, they will be reincarnated in the sheer dynamics of the uplift. To prevent these beasts stampeding into Merseyside and Greater Manchester, the DUP proposes that they be used in an exciting rewilding programme as the entire region between L:ancashire and Ulster is not merely greened but turned into what will effectively be the global replacement for the lost Amazon jungle. If an election is held before the end of 2019, I am assured that come hell or high water all this work will be complete by Halloween 2020, otherwise according to my sources,. the Unionist parties are utterly committed to the principle of dying in a ditch.

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A Horseradish

  • Friday 18th October 2019, 4:48pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,077 posts

The Links Between Tea and Brexit

1. Herbal

As news broke today that there has been a further decline in the numbers of people drinking so-called builders' tea, a scientific study was published to show that only consumers of the old fashioned "cuppa" voted for Brexit in 2016. Sensationally, the study also confirms that a three year growth in sales of designer coffees and herbal fruit juices could be the sole reason why in a second referendum a majority of people may vote Remain, although there is some way to go.

2. Cracks

According to the ground breaking study's author, Professor Woke, the findings prove that Brexitism is not, as previously believed, simply a football hooligan problem. Rather, it is a symptom of a wider social and cultural malaise. Further, she says a ban on the drinking of "char" among those who provocatively choose to be old or living on council estates would merely begin to address the problem. Ultimately, enforced repatriation of anyone with a dodgy mug might be the only solution, especially if they are also in the habit of regularly displaying their arse cracks which, she says, all of them are.

C. Rosy

Woke, it transpires, is no humdrum drinking habits sociologist. She started her career as a working single mother who not only cared for four children but educated them all herself at home. At the same time, she thrived in as many as four jobs. After her 9am-5pm "daytime career" in motherhood, the Nanny shift began. This enabled her to head to her local Costalot coffee shop where she was a senior barista before driving up the A1 at around 7pm to buy Happy Chef restaurants. She turned them into a chain of orgy emporiums. Today, she admits that building the Grey Shades 50 brand was "at times a bit of a challenge" given that at 5am she would have to be back in Central London. There as a senior barrister she was attached to the world renowned Mandelson chambers, working 5am-8.45am. "But actually I had nothing to do between 2am and 4am". So to ease the boredom she sat in laybys observing lorry drivers buying "rosy lee" from roadside kiosks.

4. Bush

"I could see they were conflicted" she tells me. "First, they were not builders and yet they were buying builders' tea. Secondly, they revealed in their conversations - I could hear them all clearly through my ear trumpet - that they enjoyed cricket between England and Sri Lanka. They were definitely not racist in that way. So when they did that undercover monkey thing of "do you know the piano is on my foot? - you hum it and I'll play it" while weeing behind a bush, I initially assumed it was a kind of mental illness. It was only after several months that I realised that was caused by the tea itself".

5. Woke

Given her experience, Woke who is now a wholly independent scientist at the University of Chipping Norton was initially approached by T-Krucifi, a leading global fruit juice brand, in 2017. Belgium based, it suggested that there could be a possible link between tea drinking and English anti European sentiment. Obviously she was intrigued. But it was only when the conglomerate was able to secure money for the research from the neutral opinion poll company, More Labour, that an unbiased study seemed doable. "We were all keen to ensure that it wasn't a knee jerk anti Brexit thing", Woke says.

vi. Vesuvius

By then Esmerelda, 18, was at Oxford, Fifi was at the tender age of 13 at No 1 in the pop charts and Woke's sons Basil, 10 and Vesuvius, 5, had shown themselves more than capable of looking after themselves. "But I waited" she says "until I was absolutely sure that they had managed to float their Artificial Intelligence company on the stock exchange". Even Nanny had moved from changing nappies to being a High Court judge specialising in constitutional law . Consequently, Woke had the time and the resources to produce the most comprehensive study of its kind with many specific "nudge" like recommendations.. It includes, she explains, an extensive withdrawal from tea agreement and a political declaration which can be read easily by everyone from old bastards and chavs to navvies and truckers obsessed by the old Empire.

G. Lollipop

So, yes, Woke has the vision thing. She believes strongly that national security depends on Britain being in the EU. And she sees the road map away from, quote, "the Brexitism virus" as being principally one of encouraging the plebs off tea and shifting them on to elderberry. "We can do it" she told me "but, if not, they shall just sail on the good ship lollipop to some ghastly plantation. All 17 million of them". It is impossible to be in her company and not find her enthusiasm infectious.

h. Service

As our discussion was coming to an end, she suddenly threw her arms into the air so that they not only swayed in rhythm with her earrings but as the earrings jangled they produced a perfect rendition of "Ode To Joy". "That's pretty impressive" I said. "Where did you learn it?" She simply winked while coquettishly holding up a picture of South Mimms service station. Incredibly, this pretty, diminutive figure is not yet even 35. Surely her damehood can't be very far around the corner.

9. Vegan

Feeling peckish, I drove up to my yurt in Biggleswade with her final words ringing in my ears : "who needs a trunk road cafe selling English breakfasts and "brown paint" when you can get a melon water with a furry vegan bacon sandwich?" Stopping off for a wee along the way, all the voices I heard were Spanish and Irish and Polish. But as the wind rustled gently through the roadside greenery, I swear I heard the monkey and piano thing in the distance. It coincided with the tinkle of splashes on my trainers. Woke was right. It wasn't racist. But she was wrong on its "illness", It was just England as we knew it before toffee cappuccino, strawberry water and populist sado-masochism. You could stand up a spoon in it.

(The views expressed are purely those of its author P G Justinian Trollop - if you think it's bollocks tweet off to him, not us)

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Briosaid

  • Friday 18th October 2019, 9:18pm [Edited]
  • Scotland
  • 1,294 posts

Sorry to depress you, Bill, but Pam didn't have-a boyfriend. She'd given us all her mobile number but after the pm which you said you didn't send, she pretended She'd dropped her phone in the bath and it wasn't working. Oh dear.

Ill-informed? Have you ever, for instance, considered the costs of policing? Of bloody silly royal weddings, etc? I haven't paid attention to it, but there seems to have been public outrage over us paying for alterations to the so-called cottage belonging to Harry. If he's Charles son??? He doesn't have the sticky out ears and where did the red hair come from? I only ask.

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A Horseradish

  • Friday 18th October 2019, 11:12pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,077 posts
Quote: Briosaid @ 18th October 2019, 9:18 PM

Sorry to depress you, Bill, but Pam didn't have-a boyfriend. She'd given us all her mobile number but after the pm which you said you didn't send, she pretended She'd dropped her phone in the bath and it wasn't working. Oh dear.

Ill-informed? Have you ever, for instance, considered the costs of policing? Of bloody silly royal weddings, etc? I haven't paid attention to it, but there seems to have been public outrage over us paying for alterations to the so-called cottage belonging to Harry. If he's Charles son??? He doesn't have the sticky out ears and where did the red hair come from? I only ask.

Gingers aside, you have to be fair on this stuff. You know as well as I do that we criticise things that we could never do or be. I am deeply critical of women who do ju-jitsu because I will never be able to do ju-jitsu and will never have a vagina, not that I have ever sought one being content enough with my phallus. You criticise the royals as there is no way on earth that you could sit in the Commons wearing a diamond studded tiara saying "and my Government will deliver an orderly exit from the EU". That is. any more than you would wish to contemplate living in a body exploding with testosterone.

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Briosaid

  • Friday 18th October 2019, 11:39pm
  • Scotland
  • 1,294 posts
Quote: A Horseradish @ 18th October 2019, 11:12 PM

Gingers aside, you have to be fair on this stuff. You know as well as I do that we criticise things that we could never do or be. I am deeply critical of women who do ju-jitsu because I will never be able to do ju-jitsu and will never have a vagina, not that I have ever sought one being content enough with my phallus. You criticise the royals as there is no way on earth that you could sit in the Commons wearing a diamond studded tiara saying "and my Government will deliver an orderly exit from the EU". That is. any more than you would wish to contemplate living in a body exploding with testosterone.

I'd have a go. I've played enough pantomime witches to pretend to be one. And the tiara would be a handy thing to pinch. Our club could do with the money.

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A Horseradish

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 6:45pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,077 posts
Quote: Briosaid @ 18th October 2019, 11:39 PM

I'd have a go. I've played enough pantomime witches to pretend to be one. And the tiara would be a handy thing to pinch. Our club could do with the money.

Fiddlesticks.

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A Horseradish

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 7:38pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,077 posts

Letter To The Sunday Times

Dear Sirs,

Wet. Vile. Evil Twin. Fart, Swine. Nit. Rot. Vole. Weevil. And not without a certain irony. Solver. I think we as a nation can all agree that even a fool can find any number of commonly recognised words in the name Sir Oliver Letwin, PC FRSA. But does anyone share my suspicions that an eminent gentleman of Sir Oliver's superior standing only has one first name - what in my faith we used to call Christian - as he presents himself to the unwashed general public? In this light, may I humbly ask is it not about time that there was an extensive parliamentary debate on whether in fact he does have a second first name that he has managed to cover up? Surely I can't be alone in being concerned that it could be C**t.,

Yours sincerely

Bert Stalin
37 Fatwa Crescent,
Whipsnade-next-the-Sea
Ullapoolshire
Engerland

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Briosaid

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 8:22pm
  • Scotland
  • 1,294 posts
Quote: A Horseradish @ 19th October 2019, 6:45 PM

Fiddlesticks.

I don't think they'd sell for much.

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A Horseradish

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 8:36pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 7,077 posts
Quote: Briosaid @ 19th October 2019, 8:22 PM

I don't think they'd sell for much.

Weird.

I thought that Scotland loved fiddling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCgOyBgHsWg

(I identify with this boy as at his age I too wore a t-shirt with a bicycle picture on it : I was also a virtuoso - not on the violin but in terms of my exceptional ability in getting up in the morning even when being filmed as if I was on a very big stage)