LATEST BREXIT NEWS
Sterling and if I might say so rapid work from my team of undercover operatives who now have their tentacles in every part of Europe from Lowestoft to Latvia,. Not only have they managed in 24 hours to alter every reference to the English Channel on Wiki to "The New Berlin Wall". They have also set up internet radio stations in every one of the EU27 countries, each called Radio Free UK. The DJs are playing Bowie's "Low" and "Heroes" on rotation, interspersed with commercials urging all hemp sandal left footers and white lace boot stompers to unite in a nudge and disrupter pincer movement.
We used to call this chaos theory. When I say "used to", I'm obviously not in ancient history here. It is "used to" strictly as in post Baader-Meinhoff. Anyhow, what happens in CT is the entirely unexpected. Various calls came in during the Phone Farnes-Barnes segments from people with names like "Brian the Ferret" and "John-Felicity the Polyamory Snail". And what they have spaffed up is nothing less than a thunderbolt. It turns out that the UK Government's strategy - that "what exactly has it got up its sleeve other than a few needle marks and a tattoo of Madonna?" thing which is keeping us all so, so enraptured on the rare occasions that we can be arsed - is to declare the very existence of the EU as wholly fake news.
Yes, that's right. The European Union never actually happened. My shadowy network which operates mostly as an army of millions in helicopters in full daylight has confirmed that the legal case for EU non existence is absolutely watertight. It is based intellectually on the principle that no human law actually exists so the EU which can only claim to exist in legal terms is pure fantasy. Ditto its predecessors the EC, EEC and the European Coal, Steel and Cow Community. Stunningly., Government lawyers will further argue that EU founding father Robert Schuman was such an intensely religious man that he was not of sane or rational mind when declaring most uncharacteristically that a political institution based in human law could ever be above God's law. And similarly, it will be proven that the Good Friday Agreement of itself does not exist because an endorsement by Clinton and Blair is simply circumstantial given the only route to God is through Jesus Christ. Well, notwithstanding God can also be found via Bowie on one of his straighter days. Every day, in truth, now he is dead.
Excitingly I have been informed by my Knights Templar of the Chopper and Valve Wireless that the no brainer hammer blow will involve citing none other than Extinction Rebellion. Counter-intuitive? Not if when speaking of the need for proof, that is not for a self-declared Supreme Court but will just entail a five minute natter with a kangaroo. One actually that has been especially selected to be neutral. While she permanently waves a Union Jack from her neck and sings God Save the Queen every hour on the hour, she has no vested interest other than in the garden five miles outside Melbourne in which she resides. Incidentally, contrary to the Euro fakes' myth, "kangaroo" doesn't mean "I don't understand you".
In what is expected to be a highly televisual moment, Tweeted around the globe, Prime MInister Johnson will advise Kanga that the conservationist goons are not only narked, They are discombobulated by the fact that their liberalism has been so successful in beating the shit out of Christianity, all it has left them to battle with is the Book of Revelation. The Book describes in the starkest terms the inevitability of the Apocalypse and it provides a splendid prophecy of the world coming to an end. Libs are saying "oh no it isn't". Only cynics could possibly call that just a near the knuckle shuffle pantomime.
No. It is clearly now a serious war on exactly who is God. Is it God - or rather Isla, Amelia, Joshua and Jacob along with their fifteen mothers who met in the 1980s at Greenham Common? As with all questions, the true answer to this one lies in pretending the question was different. They themselves have determined rightly that one God or another is above the law. Ergo the EU does not exist and it never did. But ain't it odd how modern boys are given Bible names while the girls are a pretty face from The Generation Game and a woman who polluted the skies with her aeroplane - then crashed out. Did someone ask if I have my testicles all across Europe? Oh yes. I don't do sex but I do use them on an international stage to fight against white racism., especially vis a vis Bulgaria where football is behind behinds behind openly closed doors.