British Comedy Guide

Potential Opportunity for Satirists

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Runcible

  • Friday 21st October 2016, 5:34pm
  • Lonodn, United Kingdom
  • 1 posts

Oh hi.

I'm developing a project for a large-ish online publisher/broadcaster.

We're trying to pull together a few writers for a satirical desk show, along the lines of the Johns - Oliver and Stewart.

Influences:

Nathan For You.
Adult Swim.
Jam.
Houellebecq.
Peter Cook.
Cowards.
Wonder Showzen.
Baddiel & Skinner's Phoenix From The Flames section.
The 11 O'Clock Show

Please feel free to imagine some other things that you like sitting on the end of that list.

It is NOT:

HIGNFY
'Newsjack'
10 O'Clock Live
That time they tried to make Marcus Brigstocke into a UK Letterman.

The ultimate aim would be to create a US-style 'writers room' of contributors who could each pen a few bits for a weekly show, with part of it hashed out in-the-room.

For now, we're just trying to make contact with people who might fit, and if we like, we can work ad hoc, one-on-one with until we clear the development phase.

The first phase, though, will be coffee, a chat, and further details.

If interested, please send a few brief lines about yourself:

Name, age, previous credits, a few influences, and a couple of paragraphs musing in yr usual wry style about the following story: http://edition.cnn.com/2016/09/12/entertainment/ryan-lochte-dancing-with-the-stars/

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Paul Wimsett

  • Saturday 22nd October 2016, 3:50pm
  • Folkestone, United Kingdom
  • 3,382 posts

Why do you want an American story satirized, Runcible?

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Brian Brane

  • Sunday 6th November 2016, 9:44am
  • Here, England
  • 174 posts

I'm happy to poke fun at almost anything but I draw the line at meeting people.

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Patrick Robinson

  • Sunday 6th November 2016, 4:24pm [Edited]
  • Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • 131 posts

Hi Runcible,

Just read about your message, thanks for posting. I'm Patrick Robinson, 38. Started a stand up comedy course in September and enjoying writing jokes, preparing to perform. Haven't had anything published/used but it's early days. Have a Twitter page: @Patrickdjokes. Here are my ideas about the Lochte story:

Protesters interrupt Ryan Lochte while dancing the Fox trot to the song "Call me irresponsible". What's next for his song choices: "Jive Talkin (Telling me lies)" by the Bee Gees?
"Lyin Eyes" (Eagles)?
"Love the way you lie" by Eminem?

Lochte has to avoid talking when he dances because if he does, his pants set on fire.

Why is Lochte's ballroom costume too big for him? He likes tails that don't fit.

Judges praised security that restrained the protestors: They took the protesters away with a heel turn lead so Len Goodman scored them a 7.

Cheers, Patrick.

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Mighty Joe Middle Aged

  • Tuesday 8th November 2016, 2:55am [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 5 posts

RYAN LOCHTE ATTACKED ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS" BY TWO MEN WITH GUNS

Oh dear it looks like it happened again! After interviewing Ryan about the incident, it appears that two men with Rio-de-Janeiro sounding names stormed onto the stage of Dancing With The Stars brandishing guns and shouting "This is for Pancho Villa!"

"This feels like persecution" said Mr Lochte, "if what happened in Rio wasn't enough, it's happened to me again! Luckily the cameras didn't point at me whilst I shit my pants and screamed like a girl"

Mr Lochte has been accused of making this up, but fortunately the press believe him a lot more than they believe the average Brazilian

Joe, 45, no previous credits

Influences : Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Jim Jefferies and CNN news Cool

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Winger

  • Tuesday 15th November 2016, 9:43pm
  • 52 posts

Terrorists attacked the optimistically titled Dancing with The Stars last night with their target controversial Olympic Swimmer Ryan Lochte. Despite there not being a pool of deep enough water for several miles, Mr Lochte immediately panicked and started doing butterfly strokes to try and get away from his attackers. Meanwhile, dancing partner Cheryl Burke tried to ward them off by doing an evocative Tango, which was later awarded top marks by the judges. Luckily, security was able to utilise their full training to subdue the situation by shooting both attackers in the head.

When later asked if the attack had any relation to it being revealed he had lied about being robbed at the Brazil Olympics, Mr Lochte stated that on the contrary he wasn't the target but Vanilla Ice was. He went on to state that the attackers had confessed to him that they were Time Travellers out to stop future Republican President Vanilla Ice from gaining power and purposely accelerating global warming. A spokesman for Mr Ice stated that he was not currently seeking said nomination.

Graeme, 37, half dozen Newsjack credits a couple of presenters ago. Influenced by/big fan of Colbert, Morris, Iannucci, Seinfeld, Sanders, Allen, David, Harmon, Linehan, Daly, Chapelle, Hicks, Hedberg, Fey, Hurwitz, Pryor and Anne Robinson when she did that show with Marcus Brigstocke when they were heavily implying they wanted to make him into a UK Letterman.

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playfull

  • Wednesday 16th November 2016, 1:30am
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,726 posts

Ryan Lochte played down his role in subduing the protesters who interrupted his appearance on 'Dancing with the stars' last night. "I'm not a hero" Lochte said. I'm just someone that heroes can look up to.
Asked if he was scared when the two protestors slowly wandered onto the dance floor and basically stood around until tackled by over zealous security guards Lochte said "I couldn't see much from where I was standing behind Cheryl, but I can tell you it brought back terrible, horrible memories of that night in Brazil. You know the one that never happened. Here I was again, not being attacked or robbed, I just couldn't believe it was not happening to me all over again."
Lochte refused to blame the incident on the fact it was a Latin American Dance but did state the sooner they build that wall the better...

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ArticulateMadness

  • Sunday 20th November 2016, 3:38pm [Edited]
  • United States
  • 136 posts

ABOUT ME:A philosopher of the Edward Bernays Century of Self, a follower of Sigmund Freud's explorations of the subconscious mind through chemical means, and an avid enthusiast of Adolph Hitler's short-lived ballet career before he rose through the ranks of the Third Reich. Most importantly, I am an innovative writer that creates a written vision to move an audience. I craft a message that sways public approval towards my client's products to the guarantee of the masses blindly supporting the company agenda without them knowing it. A dirty job, but someone has to pacify the idiots who know not what they blindly support into a continuing trek of oblivion. Last, but not least, I am a firm believer in the annihilation of the JUSTIN BELIBERS. http://articulatemadness.com

MY TAKE ON ARTICLE: Elderly Uber and Lift Drivers break out in a turf fight during Ryan Lochte's debut on 'Dancing with the Stars'

By Gwendolyn L. Spelvin

Pandemonium surrounded Ryan Lochte's debut lukewarm live performance this week on "Dancing With the Stars" as a turf war between elderly drivers for Uber and Lyft broke out right as Lochte was being scolded by judges.

According to a current police investigation, four elderly drivers representing Uber responded to the livery request of several audience members. Before they could arrive and receive them, five elderly drivers from Lyft intercepted and attempted to poach the passengers. Witnessing this, the Uber drivers exited their vehicles and gave chase to the Lyft drivers, who ducked into the studio where "Dancing With the Stars" was taping to avoid them.

"Those old guys were tussling when that white boy was finishing up his routine and then one of the guys threw a chair and it connected and all hell broke loose." a janitor for the production house where the show is taped told CNN.

ABC NEWS reported that the two men representing Lyft were struck by a metal folding chair and at least one Uber driver was hit with a cane to the face. CNN has confirmed that one of the Uber drivers is Hirsh Goldberg of Irvine, and one of the Lyft drivers is Samuel Thompson of Baldwin Hills. "All participants were subdued, placed into custody, and taken to the hospital regardless of their insurance status." said Deborah Perkins, a spokesman for the LAPD. "We will not tolerate gang activity in the for-profit taxi industry."

Lochte, who is currently recovering from a bald faced lie of being held at ransom by AIDS infected robbers attempting to make him his generation's Greg Louganis, said he is shocked that elderly people are still working.

"You think they'd be playing shuffleboard or dropping a hot crab cake in their depends." Lochte responded when asked about the incident.

Although the show was pre-taped, ABC has decided to show the live footage to boost ratings.

During the incident, one camera stayed focused on judge Carrie Ann Inaba, who began to place bets with other panel members. She was heard yelling "C'mon you old fart, get him on his back!" multiple times as she steadily held money in her hand.

"Twenty to one odds if that old buzzard kills him. I have cash money!" she yelled, gesturing for the crew to participate in betting.

"The network went to a commercial break, but the camera briefly showed blood spatter around the floor and on the chair that was used in the attack.

"Dancing with the Stars" host Tom Bergeron addressed the fighters after commercial break.

"I just lost five thousand smackeroos because of your weak asses," he said, before being restrained on trying to be physical with one of the brawlers.

Lochte was apparently upset that the brawl focused attention off of himself, and at one point tried to insinuate he was one of the suspects fighting.

"You know I'm really 65 years old and drive for Uber too. It was my idea to throw the chair. These old farts all stole from me," he said. "Tears me apart that even the elderly are stealing the shine off my damn teeth."

"Dancing With The Stars" airs on Monday.

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Palindromic

  • Wednesday 23rd November 2016, 1:01am
  • Surrey, United Kingdom
  • 2 posts

Hello!
Hannah, 24. Previous credits include "Trigglypuff interview" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGRjJsFyelU&t=1056s I also voiced an NPC in one of the Harry potter games because i'm incredibly cool.
As for my musings...
Two male fans of the American Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte were today so upset with his over exaggerating dance moves, that they stormed the set of Dancing with the Stars in protest.
After a struggle cuddle with a very large man who mistook the two gentleman for policemen come to arrest Lochte for his dirty lying hips, Ryan had this to say.
"I was heartbroken" He said, presumably because he didn't get in on any of the cuddling action.

I got nothin.

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wetdoublewet

  • Friday 9th December 2016, 3:13pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 4 posts

Name
Will Man

Age
31

Previous credits www.thedailycheese.co.uk/author/willybum Twitter: @willyoungman

Influences
Anthony Jeselnik (dark humour with unexpected twists)
Alan Partridge (characterful turns-of-phrase)
Jeff Ross ("roasty" one-liners eg like on The Burn)
Tweets by funny women (witty, sarcastic, creative)
David Mitchell (extended what-if logic, exaggerations in a matter-of-fact tone)

Musings on the Lochte story...

Thanks Barzeen Soroudi and Sam Sotoodeh! Now I know who Ryan Lochte is. 12-time Olympian Medalist... But the thing that propels him to fame is *Dancing with the Stars*. I don't know what the show is about, but apparently millennial Amber Rowes and Caucasian DJ Vanilla Ice were contestants.

So I find out he's some kind of poor man's Michael Phelps. That he's a "bro" with Mike Tyson-like intelligence and fashion sense. So he's a poor man's Mike Tyson. Basically, if the two Michaels - Phelps and Tyson - conceived, the offspring would be destined to have some lads ruin his dancing.

Soroudi and Sotoodeh are a couple names to remember. They're the ones who terrorised a live public event to bring attention to something about Lochte's history I can't quite remember. But at least I know who he is now. He is a guy who says "jeah" a lot, which, in itself, I have no issue with. History has proven that successful catchphrases are often misspelled versions of proper words. "Bovvered" is the only example I can think of but I'm sure there must be loads more out there.

So jeah ... .

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playfull

  • Wednesday 4th January 2017, 2:55pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,726 posts

Any update? Anyone working with Runcible?

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Derek Thompson

  • Tuesday 17th January 2017, 3:15pm
  • Cornwall, England
  • 31 posts

No, but I might have spooned with him once. (Come on, you were all thinking of it.)