British Comedy Guide

New sitcom - Revenge of the Grimsby Badger

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Kealy

  • Tuesday 11th October 2016, 4:13pm [Edited]
  • Leicestershire, England, United Kingdom
  • 86 posts

Hello everyone new to the forum. This is my first post. I have the first ten pages of a new sitcom I have written. If you could post feedback I would be very grateful.

SCENE 1. INT. DOCTOR DEVIOUS'S BED ROOM - NIGHT [9.30]

DOCTOR DEVIOUS (LATE TEEN'S) IS SITTING AT A DESK. HE'S GOING THROUGH FILES THAT ARE EACH LABELLED (HOW TO MAKE IT WITH GIRLS) (HOW TO GET RID OF ANNOYING MUMS) HE GETS TO ONE THAT HAS TOP SECRET ON. HE STARTS TO LAUGH AND OPENS IT UP.

DR. DEVIOUS:
The Badger want foil me this time. Soon I will have stolen enough school dinner
money to destroy the world. (LAUGHS) Now much money have I got so far?

HE EMPTIES A BAG OUT ON THE TABLE. MOVES HIS HAND THROUGH THE CHANGE.

DR. DEVIOUS:
The laser isn't going to be to super on two pound fifty, still it's amazing what you can
do with a tube of superglue and a good imagination .

MOTHER: [OV]
David, do you want any supper?

DR. DEVIOUS:
Mum we've discussed this; you don't call me David whilst I'm working.

MOTHER: [OV]
Do you want any supper or not?

DR. DEVIOUS:
No mother Someday I'm going to kill you. (PUTS HAND UP TO MOUTH) Wops
said that a bit loudly.(LAUGHS) Anyway I think that's enough plotting to destroy the
earth tonight, Best get some rest. I have a lot of children to beat up tomorrow.

HIS EYES START TO LOOK AROUND. HE PRESSES A KEY AND STARTS TO LAUGH. A PICTURE OF A WOMAN IN A BIKINI COMES UP ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN.

DR. DEVIOUS:
Phwoarrr.

MOTHER (OV)
And David?

DR. DEVIOUS:
Yes mum?

MOTHER:[OV]
You better not be using that Internet to down load naughty pictures again
and remember I want you to paint the patio windows first thing for me tomorrow
morning.

HE STARTS TO LOOK ANGRY. HE PICKS UP A DRINKS CAN FROM HIS DESK AND STARTS TO CRUSH IT. HE LAUGHS LIKE CRAZY.


CUT TO:

SCENE 2.INT. THE BADGERS HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT [9.45]

THE GRIMSBY BADGER (LATE TEEN'S) IS LYING ON HIS COUCH IN HIS FRONT ROOM. HIS FOOT IS IN PLASTER WITH HIS TOES STICKING OUT. HE WIGGLES HIS TOES AND SMILES AT THEM. THEN LAUGHS AND PUTS SOME PEANUTS IN HIS MOUTH. THE OWL (MID TEEN'S) COMES CRASHING THROUGH THE DOOR LITERALLY.
OWL:
I have bad news it seems that Doctor Devious isn't dead.

BADGER:
That's impossible didn't we force feed him some of your mum's home made cooking?

OWL:
No he's alive and steeling children's school dinner money.

BADGER:
Owl man if we don't stop this fiend, children could be going with out school milk for
weeks.

OWL:
(THINKING) Witch could lead to the kids losing their concentration and failing all their
tests.

BADGER:
(BANGS FINGER ON HEAD) Exactly.

OWL:
In ten years time the streets of Britain could no longer be safe.

BADGER:
We'd be run off our feet Owl.

THE WINDOW SMASHES OPEN IN JUMPS PLASMA PUSSY (LATE TEENS). SHE STUMBLES FORWARD PUTTING HER HAND ON THE BADGERS FOOT. HE SCREAMS OUT IN PAIN. SHE STARTS TO KISS HIS FOOT BETTER THEN PULLS A DISGUSTED FACE. OWL OFFERS HER A MINT. SHE TAKES IT AND POPS IT IN HER MOUTH.

PLASMA:
(MUFFLED VOICE) Bad news. Doctor Diverse isn't dead.

BADGER:
Yes, Yes we know.

OWL:
Deary. deary, me. Talk about yesterday's news.

BADGER:
Owl don't be so harsh. We know Plasma. He's been stealing children's school dinner
money.

OWL:
(SMILING) I found that out.

PLASMA:
(LOOKING ANNOYED AT THE OWL) Did you know in his temper he used the
teacher Mr Jenkins as a pencil sharpener, by pushing a 2B pencil up his bum? The
paramedics are still trying to remove it now .

BADGER:
I've told him before inserting pencils up people bums, isn't a super power.

OWL:
It's certainly a super power to be ashamed of.

PLASMA:
(LOOKS THE BADGER UP AND DOWN) So what happened to your foot?

BADGER:
As amazing as this is going to sound, when I put my arms out to stop a lorry I
couldn't hold it. It was like my super powers had just disappeared. The six year old
who was peddling at the time just drove of and left me for dead.

PLASMA:
Kids these days.

OWL:
Didn't the doctor say you might have suffered brain damage? They told me they
thought you were acting awfully strange.

BADGER:
Different strokes for different folks Owl. The Badger is back and its time for me to
sink my claws back into corruption and crime and Dig up the dirt on the depraved
and the immoral.

THE BADGER JUMPS OUT OF HIS CHAIR. HE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FOOT SHOCKED. HE STARTS TO DO A LITTLE DANCE.

BADGER:
It feels as good as new. You know I'm feeling a little peckish. I haven't eaten all day
and it is a point of mine not to deal with super villains on an empty stomach.

PLASMA:
Chinese?

OWL:
Sounds good to me.

BADGER:
(GETS OUT HIS WALLET. LOOKS AT HIS FOOT IN PAIN) You know I'm feeling a little faint.

THE BADGER EYE'S CLOSE. HE THEN FALLS TO THE FLOOR. HE OPENS UP HIS EYES

BADGER:
Make sure we order chicken chow mein. It's my favourite.

HIS EYES CLOSE AGAIN. HE THEN OPENS THEM.

THE BADGER:
Wanna sign my foot Owl, like the rest of my adoring fans.

IT LOOKS INCREDIBLY DIRTY. A FLY LANDS ON IT.

OWL:
Not really.

BADGER:
Good point, don't want to lower the price when I put the cast up on ebay. It's going to make a small fortune.

CUT TO:

SCENE 3.EXT. OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL GATES - DAY [8.30]

DOCTOR DEVIOUS STEPS OUT FROM BEHIND A HEDGE, IN FRONT OF A SMALL KID WITH HIS CLASSES' HALF HANGING OFF. THE KID STOPS AND LOOKS AT HIM PETRIFIED.

DR. DEVIOUS:
Give me your dinner money you little git.

KID:
(LOOKING FRIGHTENED.) Er, if you haven't got any money. I was told you should
go and see the headmaster and he'll give you a note.

DR. DEVIOUS:
I don't want no note. I want your money, so I can build a laser to destroy the world.

KID:
Er you want to build a laser maybe Mr Hubbins the woodwork teacher could help.
DR. DEVIOUS:
Right your dead. (GRABS THE BOY'S ARM.) You want fool me with your intellectual
educated talk. I want some money or else.

KID:
Seriously he's great at making things. Only last week he made a whole farm out of
wood with animals and everything.

DR. DEVIOUS:
Loser.

KID:
My dad says being popular is overrated.

DR. DEVIOUS:
(LAUGHS) still I wonder could his hand be turned to evil. You know maybe I think it
can. I'll just ask extra nicely and if nicely doesn't work, I've got my pencil case just
in case. Tell me my little apprentice of darkness. Where does this great inventor of
yours reside.

KID:
(CONFUSED) The woodwork room, because he's the woodwork teacher,

DR DEVIOUS:
You cheeky little sod.


CUT TO:

SCENE 4.INT. THE BADGERS KITCHEN - DAY [8.30]

THE BADGER IS SITTING AT A TABLE. HE IS EATING CEREALS AND DRINKING FRUIT JUICE. THE OWL IS WAITING AT THE MICROWAVE. HE PULLS OUT A PLATE FULL OF CHINESE AND SITS DOWN OPPOSITE THE BADGER.

OWL:
Is their anyway of stopping Doctor Diverse?

BADGER:
Well he survived your mums home made cooking. He also survived that surprise
conker attack.

OWL:
His head was great for getting the conkers out of their shells though.

BADGER:
He seems to survive public humiliation quite well too.

OWL:
He enjoyed being stuck in that bin with his bare bum showing. When they took him out .he demanded to be put back in.

BADGER:
Just remember Owl. Good will always conker evil.

OWL:
And if it doesn't?

BADGER:
It may sometimes seem that evil is winning. Just look at the Sulk he stopped being evil and married that slightly plump girl from the deli.

OWL:
I still say that's a cover up.

MOTH:
Owl you're just to pessimistic.

PLASMA COMES THROUGH THE DOOR.

PLASMA:
I've spotted him hanging around the local school. He's trying to disguise himself. He's
already been a sheep in a field, a stray dog and a fish swimming in a big puddle and
it's only half eight.

BADGER:
Its time yet again to do our bit for queen and country, its time for us to leave and give
those kids that god damh milk they've worked so hard for. Owl, Plasma to the Thunder Badger.

THE OWL STARTS TO EAT HIS CHINESE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

BADGER:
Right I best go get changed then hadn't I.

THE BADGER LEAVES THE ROOM. PLASMA FLICKS THE OWLS EAR. SHE JUMPS ON HIM SHE STARTS TO BEND HIS FINGERS BACK. THE BADGER RETURNS WITH HIS PANTS ON BACK TO FRONT. THEY BOTH STOP FIGHTING AND STARE AT HIM.

OWL:
Were staring at you like this because you've got your pants on back to front.

THEY BOTH BURST OUT LAUGHING.

BADGER:
Are my pants on back to front or has Doctor Diverse slipped some narcotics into
your drink's that makes you see people's pants back to front (TAPS FINGER ON HIS
HEAD) think.

PLASMA STARES AT HIM. THE OWL STANDS THINKING HARD WITH FINGERS ON MOUTH.

BADGER:
Maybe you're right. Maybe it is more likely that I've got my pants on back to front.
Just remember I've got to go wash my hands.


CUT TO:

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beaky

  • Wednesday 12th October 2016, 3:40pm [Edited]
  • Malaga and Brighton, United Kingdom
  • 2,701 posts

I found it a bit hard to follow - presumably they're school kids, and the action cuts between reality and their fantasy life - but it's well written and snappy, with some funny lines. It could do with a bit more action, get a plot starting early. The Grimsby Badger's a great name. Not sure about Moth Man being on life support, although that might tie up into the plot later. If it's a first attempt, congratulations.

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Kealy

  • Wednesday 12th October 2016, 4:52pm
  • Leicestershire, England, United Kingdom
  • 86 posts

Thanks beaky some great points. I'll take them on board and change a few things. I can already see where things can be improved from your comments.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Thursday 13th October 2016, 5:21pm
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,495 posts

I am not qualified to critique it but I enjoyed reading it. It's certainly a little bit different and as Beaky said, some good lines.

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Kealy

  • Thursday 13th October 2016, 6:00pm
  • Leicestershire, England, United Kingdom
  • 86 posts

Happy you enjoyed it Frankie. That's motivation enough to keep going.

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Simon The Mighty

  • Monday 14th November 2016, 3:15pm
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 77 posts

This one is like it's aimed at children, but it's surely too dark for most of them, isn't it? 'No mother, some day I'm going to kill you?' Can't see this reaching a mass market, lol. Unless you said that in a 'Stewie' from Family Guy type way. I think you would need to say that kind of stuff, with caution. Some funny things were said on occasion.

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Kealy

  • Monday 14th November 2016, 9:33pm
  • Leicestershire, England, United Kingdom
  • 86 posts

OK, Simon the Mighty this isn't aimed at children. When he says he's going to kill his mother its a joke. Hence the line Wops I said that a bit too loudly. One of the rules of sitcom is that know one ever gets killed. Some funny lines on occasion. Your opinion I beg to differ, I'll admit that the first ten pages are way from perfect, but considering I've barley started it. I thought it was rather Good for a first draft.

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Lazzard

  • Tuesday 15th November 2016, 2:14pm
  • Ludlow, England
  • 4,635 posts

Who is it aimed at, out of interest?

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Kealy

  • Tuesday 15th November 2016, 4:03pm
  • Leicestershire, England, United Kingdom
  • 86 posts

Hi Lazzard. It's meant to be aimed at everyone. Adults watch Batman and Spider Man films. it's supposed to have a cartoon vibe about it. But from some of the comments it seems I haven't made a good job at defining that. I don't know, what do you think maybe the humours to childish. Maybe it just doesn't work, Maybe its just to unbelievable to work with real actors. Maybe it just isn't funny. I'm not sure.

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Lazzard

  • Tuesday 15th November 2016, 4:27pm
  • Ludlow, England
  • 4,635 posts

I think, tidied up a hell of a lot & with more work, my nine year-old might be into this.
He loves silly, faintly rude stuff where kids seem to be running things.
Live-action might be had to pull off, though.
Why not hook up with a web animator and make something???

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Tuesday 15th November 2016, 4:42pm [Edited]
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,495 posts

When I read it in my imagination I saw real kids part of the time in home made costume (i.e. real World) and then when it got fantastic, I did see them as a cartoon equivalent (i.e. in their imagination). So it might work as a 'half and half' cutting between cartoon and reality. Programmes with kids in often get aimed at kids and also adults watch too as you say. As with all scripts that show merit in this forum though, there is some way to go from a good idea to a professional production. But you know that. :-)

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Kealy

  • Tuesday 15th November 2016, 5:46pm
  • Leicestershire, England, United Kingdom
  • 86 posts

Thanks for your comments Lazzard and Frankie. I can see this sitcom needs a lot of developing and I need to think who I'm aiming it at. I did think the idea was good and a little different, getting it to work might be a whole other kettle of fish. Certainly have nothing against aiming it at children. One last thing. I would really appreciate your opinions on my other sitcom Doomed because I feel that this is much further down the line and far closer to being sent to production company's .

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Thursday 17th November 2016, 1:34pm [Edited]
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,495 posts

Hi Kealy -

I have read Doomed but I didn't comment as it wasn't my cup of tea. I am not criticising it but I didn't find the story line as intriguing as Badger, nor did I like the characters as much. Because of this I think the comedy in it eluded me. A production company may snatch your hand off though ..only they can advise that.

As you have realised already, you have to be very careful of what you pick up on from the comments of others. Comedy is very subjective and even with commercially produced sitcoms there are few (if any) that are going to have universal appeal.

What can be useful in forums is technical help with how a script is formatted, classic sitcom 'rules', how to submit scripts, camaraderie, shared experiences, etc. but funny (or potential) is in the eye of the beholder.

And a script is dry. The producer and actors cast have a massive impact. I do not like The Office but principally it is because I just don't find Ricky Gervais appealing or funny in anything, not even his pants. In fact, definitely not his pants!

Good luck with all your efforts, I can see a lot of work has already gone into your scripts.

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Kealy

  • Monday 21st November 2016, 12:04am [Edited]
  • Leicestershire, England, United Kingdom
  • 86 posts

Thanks for your comments Frankie.

While I do find the Ricky Gervais funny appealing would defiantly be a stretch. No pair of underwear could help him either. He's got a face you could punch and is a smug little git. I actually prefer Extras by the way to the Office.

I've just posted a revised version of Doomed taking on board the comments people have been kind enough to post.It's in the new sitcom Doomed thread same as before. If anyone fancies a read and could post comments I would be very grateful.

Cheers.