[This sketch is a runner. that may or may not be a cricket joke]
GRAMS: Light music, jaunty violins and sweet woodwind.
BATTERS: [SPEAKS VERY MUCH IN THE TIPSY, AVUNCULAR BLOWERS MOULD] Welcome once again, naturenauts, to another edition of Country Matters, and another wander through the briar paths with me, Algernon Bathurst - or Batters, to you! This afternoon, I'm in balmy Amersham. I've got my eye on a gorgeous specimen of a cabbage white, which is flitting over a hedge. Did you know, the cabbage white pupates for - oh, I say! There's a cricket match over the hedge. Ooh, now, a wonderful cover drive there. Beautiful piece of batting. Simply breath-taking. And those gorgeous, sacramental cricket whites make the cruddy old cabbage white look like a tatty stupid insect with no back foot play.
GRAMS: Airy trad jazz of the British tradition.
BATTERS: Ah, there you are, my good listeners, and welcome to a new show, which we hope shall become a regular fixture throughout the summer. I'm Batters and this is Roof Of The Nation, a radio companion to The Sky At Night. I'll be observing the heavens of Great Britain in daylight hours, and perhaps helping you to understand the subtleties of cloud formations. For instance, here in cheeky Amersham, I can see a glorious cumulo-nimbus drifting majestically above me. And just below, yes, I do believe there's a cricket match going on. Oh, I say, what a terrible piece of wicketkeeping, that will be 4 byes, unless I'm much mistaken. I recall seeing Jeffrey Dujon take a phenomenal catch in the 1982 Test; if you can imagine, Kapil Dev was running at a medium pace, you see, and -
GRAMS: Sprightly vox humana synth melody.
BATTERS: Good afternoon, chums and chubbers, it's me, old Batters, and you're listening to Birds, Buses & Chocolate Cake, a three hour show dedicated solely to the constant discussion of ornithology, public transport and cocoa-based puddings. So [PAUSE] did you see the cricket last night?