INTERVIEWER: Jason! Jason! Can we have a word? Pleased with your performance?
McDUGGAN: [Out of breath] Well, it's just great to compete at this level, Clive. I ran as hard as I could, and that's all you can do.
INTERVIEWER: Indeed. So, when the starter pistol fired, what went through your mind?
McDUGGAN: Just...not much, just that I had to run as hard as I could, you know.
INTERVIEWER: Right. Right. [Beat] So, talk us through the race.
McDUGGAN: Erm. It was pretty...I started running - as hard as I could - and then -
INTERVIEWER: And what went through your mind?
McDUGGAN: Not very...just "keep running!". [Pause] And, after a bit, "I'm tired".
INTERVIEWER: Yeah. Right, Jason, I'm going to come out and say it, you're not really very easy to interview. Blood, stone, you know? Bit of a broadcaster's nightmare, to be frank.
McDUGGAN: I see. Well Clive, I'm going to come out and say something too. Perhaps it would help if you didn't restrict yourself to meaningless, facile questions.
INTERVIEWER: Ooh, you want more in-depth questions, do you?
McDUGGAN: Well, I just thought-
INTERVIEWER: Alright. What's the average height of all the runners in the race, to the nearest centimetre?
McDUGGAN: What's the average height of the runners?
INTERVIEWER: To the nearest centimetre, yes.
McDUGGAN: I don't know.
INTERVIEWER: Ooh, a bit too hard, was it, for the intellectual athlete? Not one you're used to at the Team GB debating society, hmm? Poor old Jase. Go on, have a guess. Nation's watching.
INTERVIEWER: Nowhere near. 173.
McDUGGAN: Fine, well, I'll know for next time.
INTERVIEWER: It'll be different, you idiot!
McDUGGAN: Yes, alright, but it will act as a sort of reference for-
INTERVIEWER: What breed of dog is Scooby Doo?
McDUGGAN: I don't know. .
INTERVIEWER: Great Dane. That one's easy.
McDUGGAN: But not really relevant, Clive. Perhaps if you thought about questions that actually had some pertinence to the competition everyone would enjoy the interview more.
INTERVIEWER: OK, fine, here's a relevant one. Given the context that you've just stopped to be interviewed after only 4000m of a 5000m race, would you describe yourself as an astute tactician?
McDUGGAN: [Fading] Oh fuuuuuuck.