British Comedy Guide

Skit Comp 11 - 18.6.16

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 11th June 2016, 11:34am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,704 posts

Congratulations to GAPPY and ME for winking. PMs, subjects, wanks etc.
Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
1 - 10 - Gappy, me

Your next subject is FAMILY.
Rules:
One entry/vote per person. Anyone can enter regardless of colour, sexual preferences or inside leg measurement, except Spanish mongeese.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything else as long as it's yours and vaguely linked to the topic. Please try to post just your entry/vote.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition closes: 18.6.16

Scoreboard is now:
Position - Points - Name
1 - 20 - me
2 - 15 - Gappy, Otterfox

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gappy

  • Sunday 12th June 2016, 2:44pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,019 posts

I thought this theme was for next week - I've just written a "family" sketch on the bus Rolling eyes

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 12th June 2016, 4:33pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,704 posts

Bob Monkhouse: I was imprisoned for my beliefs. I believed I could wank on the bus... Message received.

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gappy

  • Monday 13th June 2016, 12:45pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,019 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 12th June 2016, 4:33 PM BST

Bob Monkhouse: I was imprisoned for my beliefs. I believed I could wank on the bus.

Laughing out loud

Laughing out loud

BILLY: [CHILD] Hello, Daddy.

DAD: Oh, hi there boys. Everything OK?

BILLY: Yeah. [PAUSE]

JOHNNY: [CHILD] Ask him!

DAD: Ask me what, Johnny?

JOHNNY: Well...

BILLY: We were wondering, Daddy...how are babies made?

DAD: Ah. Yes. I see. Hmm. That's a tough question to, err...well, perhaps the easiest way to put it would be like this: Gametic insemination of the ovum resulting in uterine gestation and eventual viviparous delivery through the vaginal canal, although the process differs outside of the class Mammalia under Linnaean taxonomy.

BILLY: [PAUSE] Told you, Johnny!

JOHNNY: Humph, lucky guess.

BILLY: Three Chewitts and your shiny pebble, pay up!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 14th June 2016, 10:36am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,704 posts

My parents, sisters and brothers said, Please help: we're obsessed by 70s disco...I said, It's OK, we are family.

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Darren L Hoskins

  • Friday 17th June 2016, 3:51pm [Edited]
  • Bristol and New York, England
  • 2 posts

MAN: That's no good!- We can't put Uncle George next to Cousin Carol- not after Kevin's wedding!
WOMAN: - How about putting him nearer the back next to Cynthia? That ll keep him away from the flowers and the Vicar.
MAN: Cynthia! She's not even one of the family really!
WOMAN: It's no good, we're not all going to fit in this little plot- someone's going to have to get cremated!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 19th June 2016, 11:00am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,704 posts

As the plastic surgeon said, Maybe I should leave it a little longer... Gappy again.

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gappy

  • Sunday 19th June 2016, 4:12pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,019 posts

Both nice gags. I probably lean a little towards Darren, because it feels a little more of an "event", as it were. Good stuff from MM, though.

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Darren L Hoskins

  • Monday 20th June 2016, 8:14pm [Edited]
  • Bristol and New York, England
  • 2 posts

All good, but,I plump for the leave it a little longer line, though not really in the family way.Was working on a 'Sly and the Family Stone' sketch- "I'm not interested in developing funk on from psychedelic '60's soul, I'm an igneous boulder!" But decided against it...

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Shirl the Whirl

  • Monday 20th June 2016, 10:17pm
  • England
  • 199 posts

Three Chewitts and a shiny pebble - got to be Gappy!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 21st June 2016, 10:49am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,704 posts
Quote: Darren L Hoskins @ 20th June 2016, 8:14 PM BST

All good, but,I plump for the leave it a little longer line

Cheers but as I say to my mother, that wasn't my entry.

Quote: Shirl the Whirl @ 20th June 2016, 10:17 PM BST

Three Chewitts and a shiny pebble - got to be Gappy!

Welcome back... As the plastic surgeon's patient said, Don't leave it so long next time.
I had a dick extension on the cheap. It went pear shaped.

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gappy

  • Tuesday 21st June 2016, 3:34pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,019 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 21st June 2016, 10:49 AM BST

Cheers but as I say to my mother, that wasn't my entry.

Welcome back... As the plastic surgeon's patient said, Don't leave it so long next time.
I had a dick extension on the cheap. It went pear shaped.

I have to agree with Darren, Michael, sometimes your random filth is better than your official skit. Laughing out loud