political wheelchair user, struggling to find the funny punchlines
Been in a wheelchair 31 years. Right from the beginning, I kind of pretended, not sure that's the right word, I wasn't in a wheelchair. I sort of went into denial. And that's not always a bad thing. No depression. Just got on with life, in a very jolly way, determined not to be (the stereotype in my head, 24 years of age) the miserable cripple. Kind of played that role for 31 years. Moaning and complaining, really gets on my nerves. (That's my baggage, not saying I'm right to judge anybody.)
Got into politics, Socialist worker. And then again, one of the great things about being involved in politics like that, was that when you got heavily into discussion with somebody on the street (for example) about politics, the wheelchair would disappear, and you would be engaged with as just another person.
So my whole methodology, persona, and working in anything I did, was to try and avoid being a wheelchair user. (I can move my arms, but thy hands are paralysed, and my triceps don't work. So pretty high level of paralysis) I would do street sales of the newspaper. And I would kind of go into an acting mode. Or maybe just denial again, about my being in a wheelchair. Obviously the wheelchair was give me some advantages, in catching people's ear, sympathy et cetera. But I was very good at stopping people, engaging them, and selling them newspapers. Regularly, in fact most weeks used to sell more than anyone else on the sale.
One of the great ways to get people on your side, to help you, which I obviously need a lot of I am so paralysed, is to be open and friendly, to use humour wherever possible, because if you get people laughing, you get people helping. Could quite easily get 15 or 20 people to help me on the way to a map, Saturday for example. Or help me in some perilous situations. It's funny out someone always turns up.
After several years in socialist worker, I got involved with a group called The Direct Action Network. A group of disabled activists, who gave me a much better understanding of disabled politics. They are quite a radical group, with radical viewpoints of disability, discrimination, and how you oppose it. And it is partially because of them, and partially because I have more independence now that I've ever had, I'm much more likely to deal with the topic of disability. Or if am on a forum like this, mention the fact, where was previously I have been on forums and gone 10 or 15 years without mentioning the fact.
Anyway. I'm doing a six-week comedy workshop, and then I'm doing a stand-up charity event. I've always known writing material was going to be difficult. I want it to be original, but more importantly I wanted to be funny. I am funny all the time with people. And there is nothing I love better than going into a bar, getting talking to so complete strangers, and making them laugh as much as possible. (I also like talking about a lot of serious topics such as quantum physics, history, evolution, virtually anything. With 30 years with nothing better to do, I've been a perpetual student. I have quite a passion for topics. Also think I have slight ADD, but to all to have been diagnosed that at the time.)
My problem is this. I understand, and know where the comedian from Little Britain is coming from, with the depiction of the disabled man. I know where my comedy mentor is coming from, when he says I want you to put this gag in, or that punchline, I know they work in a comedy stereotype way. But, I don't feel comfortable selling my soul, for a five-minute charity gig. (Though after I've done this, I do want to try some open Mike, just for the buzz.)
The two main jokes I'd brought to the table initially were, the first one and the last one. So I kind of open myself up to, making the routine about disability. But that's not really me. I don't really mind that being involved, but I would rather that be an aside to a discussion of things in life are funny, situations in life that are funny, but are common to everyone rather than being specifically about disability.
But I am prepared to buy the bullet, to try and get this gig done, I only have two weeks to go, and then try some open Mike stuff for myself. Could anybody volunteer to help me knock the roughness of this material, and make harder hitting punchlines. My thing is, I don't want to do any humour that undermines disabled people, I want it to be positive. My life has been positive. I've enjoyed it. And there has been so many good things, so many good times, so many good people's, if somebody said to me tomorrow you can go back and be able bodied, I'm not sure I'd want to.
Hi Southport, I am only here today because I saw the leaflet that said, Joe Bloggs I can teach you stand up.
So I've been in a wheelchair for 31 years. This means, and not just a wheelchair user, I now have a second affliction, old man syndrome. (Better punchline)
So sat there the other day with my mate, also wheelchair, and we were talking about the bad in the old days when we couldn't get in a taxi, couldn't get on a bus, and trying to get in the brothel murder.
and we were saying how much easier it is to be in a wheelchair. Travelling to town on the bus , or to the other side world on a plane it's so easy. We have these mobile phones and computers that you can just talk or touch the screen and everything works, easy. We have remote controls for everything. And my mate said, you know what, these people who break their necks today "the lucky bastards". (Obviously done in a Monty Python voice LOL)
So being an old man, I was really shocked few week ago I got really bad ACNE. My first thought is WTH I'm 55! I haven't had acne since Jimmy Savile's girlfriends had acne. (Perhaps a lighter 1970s reference might be more suitable, for the seaside town charity gig.
Now in 55 years, I've never met a man who like squeezing spots, but my unusual life in a wheelchair has brought me into contact with loads of women who love it.
And true to form, the two women, who help me get out of bed in the morning, are like "it's Christmas bonus time". They are literally fighting, to squeeze the spots. (My mentor recommends putting in a line about And I'm not kidding you I am not lying she squeeze the spot and she made a little sinister laugh, got ya.
I have had a very good life. And one of the reasons is my lover of 36 years, and my wife of 30 years, Janet. All bad jokes, bad haircut, n bad shirts, she stood by me. All the issues about disability, she stood by me. All the way through university, and my political career, she stood by me. Any chance of a round of applause, for Janet please ladies and gentlemen?
Yes she has always stood by me, which has raised a few eyebrows when using the pub urinals.
But even though we love Manchester, we fancied a move to a resort town. And it had to be Southport because I have Thalassophobia Does anybody know what that is? I'll tell you. A fear of the sea. So of course, Southport, no problem.
And when I moved here, I did ask a local, a sand grounder, why there is no sea. And he said, ya know the scousers, they'll nick anything. (I'm not even comfortable with this one about Scousers, even though I have distanced it from myself.
. Ok, I'm a Mancunian, it's in the contract.
But then I learned something about Southport that really made the sand grounders my heroes. Remember that sand collecting place on the coastal road? They used to sell sand,,,, to the Arabs.
Id have loved to have been a fly on the wall at that business meeting.
But, before I go, I do have to confess, Southport has had a bad influence on me. I started going in these bottle shops. And the beers are strong.
So I was coming home the other night and I was in a bit of a rush. I'm in WHEELCHAIR And these two coppers pulled me up for drinking while driving! And I don't usually do that, because I spill it.
So I say, come on now man, I'm in a wheelchair, it's not as if I can kill anybody. And then they really started to have a go at me, shouting and going crazy. And I at the time I couldn't work out why, but I suppose with hindsight, I was in the fast lane of the 62. (I don't really like this one. Even the mentors said, because that will create a vivid picture in people's minds, we've all seen these people in a wheelchair going down the motorway, and you will smash it. But that's kind of the problem, it's about laughing at disabled people.)
but then they calmed down a bit, and started asking me questions. They said, anyway, where are you going at 1 o'clock in the morning anyway? I said to a lecture on drugs and alcohol. They said who's giving a lecture on drugs and alcohol at 1 o'clock in the morning? I said my wife. (This joke isn't even original. I have obviously modified it to suit my circumstances. Does that count as original material? Anyway, when I originally told it, on Facebook, to people in Byres, and even to my mail carers, the reason I enjoyed this joke before the stand-up course, was because I could sell it as a real serious gripe, people were buying into my story, and even when I hit my mail carers with the punchline, they were like, so what did you say then? Basically because I'm always going out getting pissed up and telling them funny stories about what has happened. So I'm wondering, as this is stand-up, and I can't hoodwink people in the same way, whether I should just go for the four laughs.
Another admission. I'm really struggling, because where in conversation I can take it to some dark places, like the suggestion I knocked my wife of the ladder while she was painting the ceiling, as a revenge for her kidding me onto this stand-up course, this just comes across as mean and nasty when done to an audience. "I'm only here today because my wife is a bit of a prankster, she told me she got me on the stand-up course. I got my own back, when she was painting the ceiling I accidentally knocked the ladder." (Gesticulating to my electric wheelchair controller, with a big grin on my face. Even now, I find this hilarious, because the reality is I'm nothing like that. My friends and family would get that, because they know me. But an audience wouldn't.) So I'm finding it hard to do what I find funny, or even gauge what is appropriate for a gig/audience.
Anyway, too much waffle. If anybody wants to chip in, thanks. Nothing offends me. None of my objections to the above are because I feel offended. It's not personal with me, it's politics, detached. Thanks again.
