Detective in the dark - Stupid hours

Check out some of my characters in my shorts

I have 3 videos here for you Two contain Detective Blake Revels I havent done nearly enough with this character but I will in time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PTOx5xMCxQ - This is so bad but all of my friends found it funny, I think the shoddiness of it adds to the comedy ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSR5r6BSht0 - this is the same character but wildly unfinished because I didn't really like how it came out (i don't like the accent), I still have loads of more scenes to shoot but I think im going to start over with this one but I could do with some help!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD5JXaGjFTw - this is a short 3 minute tip video I made with a few mates, for a 7 challenge I wrote it and stared as the director

I wrote for all of these projects and starred in all of them also, please let me know what you think. I know their pretty bad but do you think theirs potential anywhere ?!

And if you like them I would love it if somebody wants to get involved in future projects !

Hmm interesting stuff, there's definitely some thing in these clips, it's just buried under a lot of something else.

I like the idea of the bad narration, some very nice lines especially "these reports mean nothing they're just words on page."

But

1 The sound is distractingly bad, I can't make out your accent at all so I'm straining to hear it. The cigar makes it much worse.

2 You seem to be trying to make something that's like a real detective show. But it's all day light and you're wearing your own clothes. So that distracts; no offence intended you dress like a bit of a chav. So Inspector Chav might actually be much funnier.

3 It's too long and there's no real comedy hook. I didn't make it to the end of any of the episodes. Get them downto 2 minutes and end on an actual punchline or a twist.

4 Write it before you film it, or improv it then write it then film it. Either way until you have an appointment with a word document it'll be full of awkward pauses and filler dialogue.

5 Play to your strengths you ain't going to make the next series of Broadchurch or whatever it is you're aiming for. But a slovenly detective investigating a murder over undone washing up in a flatshare could work.

6 If you're going to use a voice over, then make it part of the fun. So have it contradicted by what the actors are doing etc.

It's got potential, but you've got a heckuva lot of work to do.

EDIT

Just watched 3 minutes tips, so you're not the detective.

That's actually pretty good (other than the annoying directors comedy voice).

Neat, funny, economic and well directed.

Ditch the detective it's distracting from something that's from your own work.