Agression at Jurrasic Park

BELLAMY A HAIRY MIDDLE AGED ZOO KEEPER IN A HORRIBLE SHORTS, SAFARI SUIT COMBO WHICH GRIPS HIS GENITALIA ALARMINGLY IS TALKING TO JEN A BUSINESS SUITED ZOO MANAGER IN HER OFFICE

BELLAMY
I warned you, nature has her own laws, immutable and harsh as the droughts that scour the Kalahari like a rough scouring brush on a pert, young...

JEN
Bellamy enough of that,now what is it about the dinosaurs becoming agressive? How many people have they eaten? Insurance covers us for 50 or 75 disabled ones.

BELLAMY
They're not eating them. It's worse, far worse, they've become as vicious and cruel as a Tsunami descending upon a virginal, pure white, Thai beach, soft as a ...

JEN
Bellamy!

BELLAMY
Sorry mam, it's the velocaraptors, they have taken to chasing the park guests, catching up with them and...

JEN
Eating them? Ripping them limb from limb, like a hungry chav on a Nandos?

BELLAMY
No we've gone over this. They just stand there arms folded, like they're saying
"ha ha fat toruists I can run faster than you, get down the gymn tubby."

JEN
That's not so bad? What about the mighty Tyransauraus the thunder lizard? Has it devoured a bus full of adorable, orphans? Because they're covered on our insurance.

BELLAMY
Worse Jen, so much worse. It sits in front of the explorer globes and glares at them.

JEN
Is that it?

BELLAMY
Oh it's terrible, it's like it's saying "ha I'm blocking your journey and making you wait, but you're just to polite to say anything" like the hairless....

JEN
Enough with the paedophile metaphors Bellamy. Now how about our very insult to nature's law, the freakish Indominius Rex?

BELLAMY
It's listening to other peoples music leaking out through their headphones and then sings along sarcastically.

JEN
So basically you're saying the Dinosaurs have become passive agressive? That's not so bad.

BELLAMY
Worse they're still evolving, still changing, becoming snide and directly insulting.

JEN
Really, that sounds improbable, I mean all they can do is roar basically? Are those nutcrackers reducing the flow of blood to your brain?

A GLASS OF WATER ON THE DESK START'S TO SHAKE IN A SARCASTIC MANNER, THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR THE DOOR HANDLE STARTS TO TURN

BELLAMY
Hide, hide they're here.

BELLAMY AND JEN HIDE BEHIND THE DESK, THE DOOR OPENS THE INDOMINUS REX STANDS THERE DRESSED IN A SHELL SUIT, WITH A BLONDE WIG HOLDING A CIGAR
IT SEEMS TO BE MOUTHING "Now then then."

BELLAMY
Oh f**k off and grow up.

Like the concept of passive-aggressive animal attacks a lot.

Thanks it orignally started with a monkey that refused to wank in front of tourists and then I thought.....dinosaurs why not?

I wonder if the paedophile bit is a distraction, but I figured it allowed me to have a punchline.

Quote: sootyj @ 9th July 2015, 1:53 PM BST

Thanks it orignally started with a monkey that refused to wank in front of tourists and then I thought.....dinosaurs why not?

I wonder if the paedophile bit is a distraction, but I figured it allowed me to have a punchline.

I found that element awkward, to be honest. But the rest I liked a lot.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 10th July 2015, 3:41 PM BST

Interesting modifications