Hello All

Another teeny cartoon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhyvjHEmkx4 .

It was written by @fro_vo (who can be found at https://twitter.com/fro_vo/status/575892592891666432). The animation and acting was by me.

Looking forward to any thoughts on the script, look, animation, sound quality, acting, whatever else.

Thanks in advance
Yac

It's a bit hard to understand what he says "Dave from work or Dave who talks to himself?" Is that right?

The animation is good, as well as the direction but the dialogue is a bit off.

Nope its completely easy to understand and it's brilliant.

Lee is wrong.

Very funny, quick, logic joke and nice animation.

Voice works as well.

I give this one a win.

How can I be wrong that I struggled to hear what he says?

Sooty's wrong, he doesn't give this one a win.

Lee wants to clean his ears out and then find a dinner lady to box them for him.

Thanks Lee and Sootyl!

Yes the line is "Dave from work or Dave who talks to himself?" It sounded clear enough to me (then again I had the script and performed the line so it would). Curious what others think. Maybe it's hard to hear because the situation at that point is ambiguous. Or maybe not.

I understood what he said

I could hear it but didn't get it until second time through . Lee needs to get his ears syringed.

I SAID... LEE NEEDS TO GET HIS EARS SYRINGED!

Nice one. I liked the joke (& I could hear it just fine).

My only criticism is the line "Dave's coming over - Dave from work or Dave who talks to himself". Not only is it a bit unidiomatic but it doesn't really make sense to me that he'd narrowed his potential guest down to two different Daves; so once I heard it, I realised something odd was happening, and started deducing the ending...not quite quickly enough for the opunch to hit me, but still.

I'd just have "Dave's coming over! Dave who talks to himself! [Pull out] Nobody's coming over, are they, Dave?"

Minor observation, though, good work.

I should have wrote, struggling to understand instead of hear it.

As with most of your animations, they have a feeling like you're listening to a conversation halfway through. Because you don't tend to start them with any titles, there's not really much time for the audience to get prepared. Like Will Can mentioned, it took two times to get the line.

I'm still not sure why your animations are trimmed so short at either ends? You must have your reasons. But as ever, I'd like to see something of yours that is more complete and polished.

But basically, what Gappy said was what I meant!

Thanks Carlos, Gappy, Will and Lee!

Good point about cutting the "Dave from work" bit, Gappy. Not sure why I kept it in. It was in the original tweet and I just didn't think of changing it.

Thanks for clarifying, Lee. One reason I make short sketches is that I just enjoy short sketches. Also, doing lots of short sketches rather than doing a few longer ones gives me a chance to practice with different drawing styles and voices, which is nice (for me. Maybe not for everyone else ). I don't include titles because YouTube vids already have titles and I worry that putting a title at the beginning of a ten second cartoon would take too much of its time. If you want to look at something of mine that's longer maybe I'll send you a link to one of my ten-minute long cartoons (something I've written for rather than doing the animation and voices for it).

Thanks again, y'all!

I think just a beat, a pause, a moment before your dialogue starts would help the pacing. Because sometimes, even before YouTube has loaded up, I can hear your video playing and it's like, hang on, let me focus... oh, it's over. Replay.

I'll be happy to check it out

It took me a couple of watches to completely get the joke, but once I did it made sense! The animation is ace and I like how it isn't dragged out.