Hi!

I work at Bareface Media and we have an exciting opportunity to work with an up and coming comedian to work on a campaign with us:

"Fire in the hole!" I shouted as I picked up the deep heat instead of the Anusol.
LOL
No...? Think you can do better?

We're looking for a creative mind to help our haemorrhoid campaign reach maximum exposure. We think the best way to reach people with haemorrhoids is to break down the negative stigmas attached. We plan to do this by running a social campaign, which will encourage those with the health issue to get treated and not be embarrassed.
This is our website https://dontsitonit.co.uk/

Think you're up for the challenge? Reply on the feed and tell us your funniest haemorrhoid joke. Who knows, you could be the new face of our campaign... if you're up for it that is!

We are holding meetings for the next two weeks to find someone who thinks they have a sketch which would be appropriate for our campaign.

The budget for this campaign is still yet to be discussed with our client and will depend on the scale and set of the sketch put forward by the chosen comedian.

I hope this information answered your question,
Let me know if you are interested and want to know more!

Wasn't this posted ages ago? Did you not get piles of responses??

I'd rather you responded to my jokes I sent you when you last advertised the job

Sorry for the duplicate, someone else was working on this project but didn't keep on top of it.

I will direct email you sootyj, thank you for the links!

No probs when I find my old jokes I'll repost them

Sorry to give you a bum deal

No probs when I find my old jokes I'll repost them

Sorry to give you a bum deal

You're with friends and sat in the pub. You're having a really good night when the most annoying girl in the world; Emma, Emma Royds joins you. She sits down and starts making everyone uncomfortable in their seats.
She's inappropriate, calling one of the group fat, another thick etc.
She drinks from your glass, just wanting to 'try' it.
She finishes jokes, she is literally a pain in the arse.
Everyone is moving from arse cheek to arse cheek like they're sat on a cricket ball because they're too polite to tell her to 'do one'.
You look up and nod to something out of shot, causing a giant tube of your product to fall from the sky and squash her.
She's gone and everyone relaxes, smiles and gets on with their evening.
Punchline.

"Emma Royds, a pain in the arse." (ass when you sell it to the Yanks)

Hope you like it.

Hi

Sorry about late reply, here's my entries for the last contest.

1 I went to the library for a book on Haemorrhoids
They recommended the grapes of wrath.

2 I’ve got a new badge for London Underground, Baby on Board don’t get up haemorrhoids on behind.
3 Haemorrhoids are God’s gift to insensitive arseholes.
4 I told the doctor I found haemorrhoids on my arsehole, the doctor said rectum?
You bet the soft git won’t stop crying about them.

5 Haemorrhoids are the most pain a ring can give you, without getting engaged.
6 Why's anusol called anusol? Because when your piles are irritating, to get relief you'll pay all your money and your soul

You know your haemorrhoids are bad when.

1 You shout at the guy at the donut shop "I don't care what flavour I'm going to sit on it!"
2 You keep getting arrested for shoplifting grapes and hiding them in your underpants
3 You watch Frodo throw the ring into the fire and start crying, “that’s just how I feel.”
4 You switch bubble bath for preparation h.
5 You start watching kids movies, because you don't have to sit for so long.
6 You learn to drive standing on your head so you can stick your arse out of the sun roof and have the breeze blow on your clements.
7 YOu drive like this so often you get mistaken for Jeremy Clarkson.

Thanks for the replies, we will get back to people by the end of this week
Good Luck!

Is this some sort of bizarre postmodern joke?

Hey Beaky what do people say who you ask out on a date?

Quote: beaky @ 3rd July 2014, 3:07 PM BST

Is this some sort of bizarre postmodern joke?

View original

cold

Cheeky nit, sooty!

What are they looking for though? sketches or jokes, on here or on the website...confused!

Farmers Weekly.

We don't get that in Cork, too posh.

Using a cork isn't posh in this context!