I remember my favourite Beatles song like it was Yesterday

I thought I could overcome my Beatles obsession. I should've known better.

What's the difference between Paul McCartney and herpes? Herpes might go away.

Yes he does seem to be here there and everywhere.

I remember reading that he couldn't keep track on how much money he was worth because his songs are always being played all over the world and the royalties just keep piling in.

I accused him of writing repetitive B-Sides. He said, It's not true, it's not true, it's not true. IT'S NOT TRUE.

I cured some sperm and it thanked me. I said, 'You're well, come.'

What regiment did Sid James serve in in the war? The South Africa Corps Blimey.

What regiment did One Direction serve in? I don't care, just as long as they f**ked off.

Rejected sperm sues egg in first case of jismism.

Judge says this could lead to a spurt in claims.

You win hands down, by a long shot.

You can have that one Michael, a Jubilee gift.

I don't know what came over me.

Er not me. I wash my hands of it.

I've probably written this before, but: What's the difference between Pontius Pilate and a masturbator? Pontius Pilate screams 'Jesus' AFTER washing his hands.
What's the difference between money and a masturbator? Money might change hands.