What did Mick Jagger say to the famous tennis player who was reluctant to dive into the swimming pool?

"Jump in, Pat Cash"

Luke Skywalker: "I don't own any albums by George Michael."

Darth Vader: "I find your lack of Faith disturbing."

What's the difference between Pontius Pilate and a masturbator? Pontius Pilate screams 'Jesus' AFTER washing his hands.

Chuck Berry hopes his condom doesn't split. 'Johnny, be good.'

Guy just came up to me and said, 'You've got less than two f**king jokes, you c**t.' Awful thing to say. Because it's 'fewer than two'.

I don't understand the Invisible Man when he ejaculates. I just don't see where he's coming from.

Scooby Doo meets the Catholic Church. Pesky kid meddlin'.

Bloke in the pub called me a Pretentious twat
I said come hither and say that

My dad said I'm lazy and vulgar. Couldn't be bothered to answer the c**t.

God created 24 hours, and then decided to call it a day.

I like that one.

Yes, and it was a rare clean one!

I've been asked to take all the swearing out of my act. Goodnight.

Sorry. I just stole this off Facebook.

On a visit to Ireland the Pope was asked what he thought of County Down? He replied " itza not any good since Carol Vordemon left".

I've taken all the French out of my act. Gives it a je ne sais quoi.