British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 262

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 21st July 2021, 5:39pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

My personal favourite: What's the difference between my mother's vagina and my mother's living room? You take your shoes off before you enter her living room. (I have seven hours of these.)

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 22nd July 2021, 7:13am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Invited some skinheads to my party. It was a riot.

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alison blunderland

  • Saturday 24th July 2021, 2:45pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

There are some very nasty new virus variants around and they're making people do very strange things. As soon as Freedom Day arrived, one of my normally--nice neighbours invited some friends round for a sleepover and murdered them in their beds. The medical examiner thinks he might have been suffering from Glencovid.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Sunday 25th July 2021, 2:42am
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

I was trying to get some small rocks from Yorkshire
But that's just asking for T' Rubble

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Sunday 25th July 2021, 9:06am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 4,440 posts

And you'll get some small rocks if you show ya face up here again...

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Firkin

  • Sunday 25th July 2021, 11:09am
  • United Kingdom
  • 1,215 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 25th July 2021, 2:42 AM

I was trying to get some small rocks from Yorkshire
But that's just asking for T' Rubble

Laughing out loud

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Firkin

  • Sunday 25th July 2021, 11:35am
  • United Kingdom
  • 1,215 posts

Dad never visited his Mum because of confusing Yorkshire transportation, he'd say "E-der-bus complex"

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 26th July 2021, 8:10am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Yorkshire man purchases sweets. 'E buy gum. But takes all sorts.

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Chappers

  • Monday 26th July 2021, 5:33pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 32,347 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 26th July 2021, 8:10 AM

Yorkshire man purchases sweets. 'E buy gum. But takes all sorts.

I thought that was rubbing ecstasy into your mouth.

Quote: alison blunderland @ 24th July 2021, 2:45 PM

There are some very nasty new virus variants around and they're making people do very strange things. As soon as Freedom Day arrived, one of my normally--nice neighbours invited some friends round for a sleepover and murdered them in their beds. The medical examiner thinks he might have been suffering from Glencovid.

Am I being thick? I've no idea what this means.

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alison blunderland

  • Monday 26th July 2021, 6:21pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts
Quote: Chappers @ 26th July 2021, 5:33 PM

Am I being thick? I've no idea what this means.

You're not being thick, Chappers. I thought it was a good joke but I was surprised to find Google had never heard of it or anything like it. I think maybe I need to update my cultural references. Or maybe it needs a Scottish audience. Anyway, your feedback is very useful. Thanks

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Thursday 29th July 2021, 8:13am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 4,440 posts

The doctor called this morning to have a look at my bad piles.
He said 'can you get up from the bean bag so I can examine you?
I said 'that is not a bean bag.

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gappy

  • Thursday 29th July 2021, 9:11am [Edited]
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,232 posts
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 29th July 2021, 8:13 AM

The doctor called this morning to have a look at my bad piles.
He said 'can you get up from the bean bag so I can examine you?
I said 'that is not a bean bag.

The great Emo Philips told essentially the same gag :)