British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 261

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alison blunderland

  • Friday 16th July 2021, 12:16pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

A few days ago, I sent off for an 'England Football Team Euro 2020 Commemorative Calligraphy Set'. It arrived this morning and guess what. It's missing three pens!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 16th July 2021, 1:28pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

What do you call a biro that went to the hairdresser? Sean Penn.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Sunday 18th July 2021, 12:47am
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

Who is the most Nervous of all the Jedi's
Panakin Skywalker

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 18th July 2021, 7:33am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

When I watch Lady Gaga's Paparazzi video, I don't know whether to jerk off or shit myself. It's touch and go.

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alison blunderland

  • Sunday 18th July 2021, 4:29pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

Did you know The Monkees wrote "Sweet Caroline"? Oh, wait . . .

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Steve Sunshine

  • Sunday 18th July 2021, 7:20pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

I bought a wall planner today
It said best to have four for each room

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Chappers

  • Sunday 18th July 2021, 7:30pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 32,347 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 18th July 2021, 7:20 PM

I bought a wall planner today
It said best to have four for each room

Ah but what do you put on them though?

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 18th July 2021, 9:44pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Priest works out how to get a kid into bed. Sweet!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 19th July 2021, 7:05pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

What's smelly, sounds like shit and gives priests a boner? Greta Thunberg.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 21st July 2021, 7:42am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

What do you call a singer with four dogs? Sporty.

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Wednesday 21st July 2021, 10:12am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 4,440 posts

At last I went go to my favourite Yorkshire pub.
I timed it just right too, it was Happy Minute

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 21st July 2021, 10:54am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Nik Kershaw denies incest rumours. 'I won't let the son go down on me.'

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Hercules Grytpype Thynne

  • Wednesday 21st July 2021, 10:57am
  • England
  • 19,414 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 21st July 2021, 7:42 AM

What do you call a singer with four dogs? Sporty.

She was on some shit mid morning prog. my wife had on this morning, talking about them getting together and taking the Glastonbury legends slot.

Good Joke Laughing out loud

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 21st July 2021, 2:16pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 21st July 2021, 10:57 AM

She was on some shit mid morning prog. my wife had on this morning, talking about them getting together and taking the Glastonbury legends slot.

Good Joke Laughing out loud

Thank you very much. I need somebody with a human touch.
What's the difference between the Spice Girls and my mother's legs? The Spice Girls occasionally get back together.

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Hercules Grytpype Thynne

  • Wednesday 21st July 2021, 3:26pm
  • England
  • 19,414 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 21st July 2021, 2:16 PM

Thank you very much. I need somebody with a human touch.
What's the difference between the Spice Girls and my mother's legs? The Spice Girls occasionally get back together.

There's nothing sacred with you is there, you naughty boy. She should put you over her knee and give you a good spanking.....................................go on, make summat of that, which you're bound to do.