British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 260

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Friday 25th June 2021, 9:01am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,546 posts

Micheal did you know that half the things in the song Penny Lane are actually on Allerton Road and ones on Mather Avenue . If they wrote that today Google Earth would sue them.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 25th June 2021, 9:09am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Linda accused Paul of writing repetitive Bsides. He said, It's not true, it's not true, it's not true.
Linda accused Paul of wanting to be in Slotheringdon. He said, Be where, my love?
Linda accused Paul of liking One Direction. He said, F**k off. They are shit.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 25th June 2021, 11:31pm [Edited]
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

Ah I remember my favourite Beatles song like it was Yesterday

Speaking of which
My mate asked me if I could get a Smokey Robinson tribute band together to play at his Wedding
I Said i'd try just don't expect any Miracles

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Saturday 26th June 2021, 12:08am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,546 posts

Stormzy called his concert off because he was under the weather.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 26th June 2021, 9:19am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 25th June 2021, 11:31 PM

Ah I remember my favourite Beatles song like it was Yesterday

I thought I could overcome my Beatles obsession. I should've known better.

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alison blunderland

  • Thursday 1st July 2021, 5:14pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

There's a man I know in Beverly Hills who was recently diagnosed with a serious STD so as soon as he left the doctor's surgery he went round to Madonna's house, had intercourse with her daughter and was immediately cured.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 1st July 2021, 6:18pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

My dad keeps lecturing me about my Madonna obsession. I said, Papa don't preach.

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alison blunderland

  • Tuesday 6th July 2021, 1:32pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

I was gardening recently when I noticed my pervy neighbour was watching me through a gap in the fence. I gave him the green finger.

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Tuesday 6th July 2021, 7:45pm
  • Mirfield, England
  • 4,440 posts

I had a strange up and down day this morning in town
First I found a hat, full of money.
Then this big bloke with a guitar chased me for half a mile.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 6th July 2021, 8:54pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

My dad has a penis growing out of his head, but he keeps it under his hat.

Quote: alison blunderland @ 6th July 2021, 1:32 PM

I was gardening recently when I noticed my pervy neighbour was watching me through a gap in the fence. I gave him the green finger.

My dad has green fingers. C**t's been dead for six months.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Tuesday 6th July 2021, 9:29pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

At the restaurant I asked the waiter to bring me a bottle of something that goes well with fish
so he brought me a bottle of sea water

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 7th July 2021, 7:25pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

My fish likes balancing on a stool. It's a-perch.

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alison blunderland

  • Sunday 11th July 2021, 12:42pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

If you pour root beer into a square glass, does it taste like normal beer?

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gappy

  • Sunday 11th July 2021, 1:14pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,232 posts
Quote: alison blunderland @ 11th July 2021, 12:42 PM

If you pour root beer into a square glass, does it taste like normal beer?

Very nice.

I got in trouble putting heroin in my candied cherries. Turns out it's a glacé drug.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 14th July 2021, 4:36pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Took a photo masturbating into a cup. Nice mug shot.