British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 259

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Hercules Grytpype Thynne

  • Monday 14th June 2021, 9:43am
  • England
  • 19,414 posts
Quote: sootyj @ 16th December 2013, 2:46 PM

How about a thread for jokes, where we can post lots of jokes.
Because jokes are awesome and make us happy.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 14th June 2021, 9:36 AM

Obsessed with disco? Walk out the door.

Oh, the irony! Of you posting a "joke" on a thread started by Sootyj. :P

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Steve Sunshine

  • Monday 14th June 2021, 6:54pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

I've just opened a Hip Hop hairdressers
Dr Dre does the cuts and Sean combs

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 14th June 2021, 7:01pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

I worked out how to get away with making misogynistic, racist music. It's a rap.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 15th June 2021, 2:41pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

What do you call a cross between Nirvana and One Direction? The Foo Fighters. They are shit.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Wednesday 16th June 2021, 12:49am
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

I told my American Friend I'd seen a Crab walking along the pavement
He said don't you mean sidewalk?

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Hercules Grytpype Thynne

  • Wednesday 16th June 2021, 5:37am
  • England
  • 19,414 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 16th June 2021, 12:49 AM

I told my American Friend I'd seen a Crab walking along the pavement
He said don't you mean sidewalk?

:D

Thhrrrrump Tisshhhhh..............I thangyow

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 16th June 2021, 9:05am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

I hate it when Americans change the accent: adverTISEment, ADdress, deTAIL... Its so FRUSTrating.

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Nayan Glenn

  • Wednesday 16th June 2021, 6:31pm
  • Canada
  • 6 posts

Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 16th June 2021, 6:59pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

My dad says he masturbates to flowers. Poppycock.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 19th June 2021, 9:44am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

A 16-year-old student just confided in me to say he's gay. I said, It's FINE. You're such an ugly, spotty c**t no one's gonna f**k you anyway.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 21st June 2021, 7:49am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Thelma and Louise star argues they destroyed female stereotypes and recalls the male backlash... That's a woman who waits thirty years for the right moment to bring up something you did and moan about it. (And if you think that's sexist, don't worry your pretty little head over it.)

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alison blunderland

  • Wednesday 23rd June 2021, 11:46am
  • United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

I've just received some feedback on a script I submitted. They say I appear to have a limited vocabulary.

The bastards. That is not only unfair, it's unfair!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 23rd June 2021, 1:15pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

An intelligent man never repeats himself. - Hear hear.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 25th June 2021, 12:28am
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,945 posts

What do the Rocky movies and a single Lemon have in common?
Sliced alone

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 25th June 2021, 8:53am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 6,065 posts

Ringo said to Paul and George, 'I wouldn't marry Yoko.' They said, 'Nor we. John would.'