British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 258

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 30th May 2021, 9:33pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,918 posts

Freddie Mercury had a half orchiectomy. I said, How are you? He said, I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball.

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Wednesday 2nd June 2021, 8:13am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 4,293 posts

An old joke about vegans can be transposed nicely to the present situation.

How do you know if someone is an anti-vaxxer?
They'll tell you.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 2nd June 2021, 9:31am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,918 posts

Why did the vegan cross the road? I don't give a f**k, just as long as he f**ked off.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 4th June 2021, 7:09am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,918 posts

I said to a 15-year-old penis, 'What does your owner do every night?' It shrugged. 'Beats me.'

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 4th June 2021, 10:36pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,878 posts

When I opened the Bar today I told the punters there was a free drink on the house
everyone cheered until I started handing out the Bingo Tickets

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rrr 969

  • Saturday 5th June 2021, 12:05am
  • Odessa, Ukraine
  • 265 posts

(C)
Why guitarists like to screw bulbs?
They want to get into an anecdote.

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Monday 7th June 2021, 10:30am
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 204 posts

On this day 7th June 1520 Henry VIII of England and Francis I of France and their entourage gathered at the Field of the Cloth of Gold near Calais, France. Henry complained the beer tasted of piss so they all moved on to the Dog and Duck at twenty past four

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 7th June 2021, 12:45pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,918 posts

What happened when Ed played music to his manager? Sheeran.

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Monday 7th June 2021, 5:19pm
  • Mirfield, England
  • 4,293 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 4th June 2021, 10:36 PM

When I opened the Bar today I told the punters there was a free drink on the house
everyone cheered until I started handing out the Bingo Tickets

Could you get one for a one liner?

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 10th June 2021, 10:26am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,918 posts

I'm head of the wanking community. They call me The Big Cheese.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 11th June 2021, 5:26pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,878 posts

Three Lions on my Chest!

I should never have got out of the Jeep

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gappy

  • Sunday 13th June 2021, 11:51am
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,193 posts

I caught an STD from a blues guitarist.

Slow hand clap.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 13th June 2021, 11:55am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,918 posts

I've had diarrhea for seven years. I'm losing my shit.