British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 256

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 23rd April 2021, 1:05pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

Show dedicated to me by every guy in London. How I Wet Your Mother.

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billwill

  • Sunday 25th April 2021, 12:41am
  • North London, England
  • 5,912 posts

Stolen off Facebook today.

A Texas man with two buckets of fish was leaving Galveston beach well known for its fishing and was stopped by a game warden. The warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to this beach and let them swim around for about a half-hour, When I whistle, they all come back, jump back into my buckets, and I take 'em home. We do this every night."
"That's a bunch of hooey," said the warden. "Fish can't do that!"
"No, really! says the man. "Here, I'll show you." And he releases the fish in the ocean.
"Well, I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
The man and the warden stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden huffs.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?"

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 25th April 2021, 11:31am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

Went to a blind prostitute. Didn't see it coming.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 29th April 2021, 7:17am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

Why did One Direction cross the road? I don't know, but I'm f**king glad they did and f**ked off. They are total and utter f**king shit.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 29th April 2021, 9:40am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

Open Mics are like masturbation. You need a tight five.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 2nd May 2021, 11:31pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

How many members of One Direction does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't give a f**k, just as long as they f**k off afterwards. They are shit.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 4th May 2021, 8:50pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- One Direction.
- F**k off then. You are shit.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 5th May 2021, 9:28pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

Bono trying to locate his girlfriend's G-spot. 'I still haven't found what I'm looking for.'

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Noel Grace

  • Wednesday 5th May 2021, 11:15pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 1 posts

I want to rob a sheep, i dont know why they dont have anything... They just give me BAAA'd vibes... Would be ironic though to see a sheep shanked...

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 6th May 2021, 9:01am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

What do you call a cross between Shakespeare and a sheep? The Baaaaaaaaaard.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 6th May 2021, 12:25pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

Keep forgetting pedopop. Oops, I did it again...

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 7th May 2021, 11:15pm [Edited]
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,817 posts

A Spice girls related joke (or two) for you Michael

Ginger, Scary baby....
But despite that I still sometimes miss the last US president

I sent off for some nude photos of baby spice and got sent a picture of some Basil seeds

Do you know what POSH actually stands for, because she can't sit down in that Black dress

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 8th May 2021, 6:50am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

The joke's on you cos I still got a boner.
I have to go for a whole weekend without mentioning any Spice Girl. Scary!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 9th May 2021, 9:29am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,833 posts

What's got 96 legs, never bleeds and gives priests a boner? Non E' La Rai.