British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 252

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Sunday 31st January 2021, 11:24am
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 189 posts

On this day 31st Jan 1606 Guy Fawkes one of the Gun Powder Plot conspirators was executed in London. Before he was hanged he asked if he could use the public toilets and it was then that crowd heard the executioner cry out "Penny for the Guy."

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 3rd February 2021, 7:01pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,632 posts

Stephen Hawking could fit sweets down his trousers. Smartie pants.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 8th February 2021, 9:44am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,632 posts

I'm opening a nudist colony. Bare with me.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Monday 8th February 2021, 8:48pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,725 posts

One in 25 million Australians are cross dressing Megastars
according to the National Everage

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 8th February 2021, 8:56pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,632 posts

When my cousin was at school, there was a strict no make-up, no high heels, no mascara policy. It was an all boys school.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Monday 8th February 2021, 9:07pm [Edited]
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,725 posts

I finally got my Cymbals for my One man band outfit
the only trouble is now the trousers clash

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Chappers

  • Monday 8th February 2021, 9:13pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 31,750 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 8th February 2021, 9:07 PM

I finally got my Cymbals for my One man band outfit
the only trouble is now the trousers clash

I finally got my Cymbals for my One man band outfit
the only trouble is now the trousers clash

Those lyrics don't scan very well.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Monday 8th February 2021, 9:14pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,725 posts

It was so good I told it twice
#SootyJ

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Definitely Tarby

  • Tuesday 9th February 2021, 12:38am
  • 2,169 posts

I'm on a whiskey diet....

It's going very well. I'm not a big fan of whiskey anyway so the mother-in-law is delighted and even offered to help with the mortgage.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Tuesday 9th February 2021, 1:53am
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,725 posts

I saw Bertie Bassett having a fight with one of the M and M people
I found the whole thing quite unsavoury

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 9th February 2021, 6:05am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,632 posts

I think my mother is into DVDs. She said, I want to get my hands on A Few Good Men.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 9th February 2021, 7:18am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,632 posts

My wife shouted at me, 'Immature!' I said, 'I know you are, but what am I?'

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Chappers

  • Tuesday 9th February 2021, 11:39am
  • Surreyish., England
  • 31,750 posts
Quote: Definitely Tarby @ 9th February 2021, 12:38 AM

I'm on a whiskey diet....

It's going very well. I'm not a big fan of whiskey anyway so the mother-in-law is delighted and even offered to help with the mortgage.

What? Am I being thick? (Yes I know!)

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 9th February 2021, 12:11pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,632 posts

An intelligent man never repeats himself. - Hear, hear!