Which Nordic god hates noise? Oh, din.

Q. Which Norse god is unusually modest and understated?

A. Loki.

What do you call a Norwegian with no sense of humour? Olaf.

Q. Which Shakespearean character claims to be Welsh but isn't.

A. Falstaff.

Q. What's black and yellow and walks up and down Coronation Street laughing?

A. Hyena Sharples.

I asked Paul McCartney, Who has the biggest dick in South-East England? He said, Your mother should know.

What is Hannibal Lecter's favourite song?

Head, shoulders, knees on toast, knees on toast.

What's green, got 563 legs and gives priests the horn? 'Little House On The Prairie'.

There's a campaign to remove unnecessary suffixes. Good-oh.

Little Richard was shocked to hear a sea snake escaped. 'LOOSE EEL?'

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 29th October 2018, 10:55 AM

Little Richard was shocked to hear a sea snake escaped. 'LOOSE EEL?'

View original

Apparently, as it made its escape, its partner was heard to shout "It's a fine time to leave me . . ."

U2 got lost. I'm not surprised, the streets have no name.

5000 meaningless, pontless murals scrawled across the floor. What a load of Pollock's.

I asked my toilet-training son not to stare into his own urine so intently, hoping to predict the future. He replied, it's my potty and I'll scry if I want to.

My pet's confessed it no longer bonks my mum. Cat's out of the bag.

My doctor was furious when I told him I was still constipated. He ripped the shit out of me.