Tell us a joke Page 216

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 8th September 2018, 10:52am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

I love the Earth's axis. It rocks my world.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 11th September 2018, 12:12pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his automobile? Carloss.
What do you call a German who hangs out with wild dogs? Wolfgang.
What do you call an Italian who respects women? A liar.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 16th September 2018, 1:40pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

Trying to think of a cricket pun, but I'm stumped. Trying to think of a Hampton Court pun, but it has got amazin'. Trying to think of a One Direction pun, but they're such a bunch of wankers.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 20th September 2018, 12:18pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

My mother was furious when I only inserted one testicle. I got a right bollockin'.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 3rd October 2018, 10:45am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

My greatest inspiration is 'The Complete Vagina Monolgues'. I want to be the complete asshole stand-up.

AvatarBCG Supporter

Chappers

  • Wednesday 3rd October 2018, 5:31pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 29,323 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 3rd October 2018, 10:45 AM

My greatest inspiration is 'The Complete Vagina Monolgues'. I want to be the complete asshole stand-up.

From what I've seen of your work on here you've already achieved that.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 4th October 2018, 11:06am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

I cleaned it up for the forum. Because I can't say 'c**t'. My ambition is to be the next Andrew Dice Clay, but not as delicate.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 5th October 2018, 10:56am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

I must be the most loved person in the world. Why else would so many people not only remember my birthday, but then take the trouble to open FB and send me greetings? Brings a tear to my eye.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 8th October 2018, 12:07pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

It's no fun being stood up. Unless you're a dick.

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 10th October 2018, 11:38am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

What do you call a roomful of monkeys sitting at a computer for 56008 Euros an hour? Wall Street English.

Avatar

Alfred J Kipper

  • Friday 12th October 2018, 8:33pm [Edited]
  • Aldershot, England
  • 5,485 posts

Hope this is not too modern and pc for you but a chinky queues up at the foreign exchange desk when arriving at the airport. 'Harro I wanna change my chinky money into dorrars prease.'
'Certainly, here you are, that's two hundred and eighty dollars at the current exchange rate'
'Wha you say? Why only two eighty? The screen said I get flea fifty an hour ago. Wah happen eh?'
The cashier replies 'Fluctuations.'
'And fluck you Amelicans' shouts the chinky, crossly.

AvatarBCG Supporter

Chappers

  • Saturday 13th October 2018, 6:39pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 29,323 posts
Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 12th October 2018, 8:33 PM

Hope this is not too modern and pc for you but a chinky queues up at the foreign exchange desk when arriving at the airport. 'Harro I wanna change my chinky money into dorrars prease.'
'Certainly, here you are, that's two hundred and eighty dollars at the current exchange rate'
'Wha you say? Why only two eighty? The screen said I get flea fifty an hour ago. Wah happen eh?'
The cashier replies 'Fluctuations.'
'And fluck you Amelicans' shouts the chinky, crossly.

Not politically incorrect in the slightest. Laughing out loud

Maybe you should have said he was Chinese. It wouldn't have affected its funnyness.

AvatarBCG Supporter

Will Cam

  • Saturday 13th October 2018, 6:44pm
  • England
  • 7,747 posts
Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 12th October 2018, 8:33 PM

Hope this is not too modern and pc for you but a chinky queues up at the foreign exchange desk when arriving at the airport. 'Harro I wanna change my chinky money into dorrars prease.'
'Certainly, here you are, that's two hundred and eighty dollars at the current exchange rate'
'Wha you say? Why only two eighty? The screen said I get flea fifty an hour ago. Wah happen eh?'
The cashier replies 'Fluctuations.'
'And fluck you Amelicans' shouts the chinky, crossly.

Laughing out loud

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 15th October 2018, 11:15am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

If Alan Partridge watches pornography, does he get a-haaaaaaaard-on?

Avatar

Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 17th October 2018, 9:01am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,698 posts

I like to chat after sex with seagulls, but that's talking out of terne.