British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 186

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Bizzy

  • Tuesday 6th December 2016, 5:01pm
  • Edinburgh, United Kingdom
  • 4 posts

I found a gold watch outside the Day-Care centre in the High Street.
I got £7.43 for it on Gumtree.... RESULT.

Then I found a babies buggy outside the Playgroup (also in the High Street).
I got £12.03 for it on Ebay.... RESULT.

A few days after that, I found a Chris Boardman racing bike padlocked to the railings outside the Christian Aid shop in the shopping centre.
I got £ 23.50 for it on Gumtree.... RESULT.

Next, I found a Golden Labrador tied to a lamp post near the bank in the High Street.
I got £38.00 for it on Gumtree.... RESULT.

A couple of weeks later, I found a K Class Mercedes in the car park round from the High Street.
I got six months for it.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Tuesday 6th December 2016, 7:55pm
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,497 posts

ACTIVE THREADS - I'm sure that's where your jacket and trousers go out on their own when you're too tired.

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Reg N

  • Thursday 8th December 2016, 5:29pm
  • Nottinghamshire, England
  • 359 posts

Lube for sheep shaggers - oil of ewe lay.

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gappy

  • Thursday 8th December 2016, 10:15pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,107 posts
Quote: Frankie Rage @ 6th December 2016, 7:55 PM

ACTIVE THREADS - I'm sure that's where your jacket and trousers go out on their own when you're too tired.

Like that one.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Thursday 8th December 2016, 10:48pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,665 posts

Topical joke alert!
A motorist was recently cautioned by police for eating cereal at the wheel
It would have been a harsher punishment but most of the evidence was shredded

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 9th December 2016, 9:30am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,540 posts
Quote: Frankie Rage @ 6th December 2016, 3:49 PM

I think cartoon jokes are a bit Mickey Mouse.

A pair of big ears, some whiskers and a funny tail unblocked my sink. Next day it blocked again. Bit of a Mickey Mouse outfit.

Quote: Frankie Rage @ 6th December 2016, 7:55 PM

ACTIVE THREADS - I'm sure that's where your jacket and trousers go out on their own when you're too tired.

Porn forum. Some threads may be sticky.

Quote: Reg N @ 8th December 2016, 5:29 PM

Lube for sheep shaggers - oil of ewe lay.

Cross between Shakespeare and a sheep. The Baaaaaaaaaaaaaard.

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Bizzy

  • Friday 9th December 2016, 12:38pm
  • Edinburgh, United Kingdom
  • 4 posts

I snogged a donkey recently.
Somebody said "kiss my ass".

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 11th December 2016, 11:05am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,540 posts

Christmas film where Trump bonks his wife in the closet. It's called 'The Liar, The Bitch and The Wardrobe'.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Monday 12th December 2016, 9:43am
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,497 posts

Speaking of Trump, he has a lot in common with Religious types, believes in a good profit.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Tuesday 13th December 2016, 2:37pm [Edited]
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,497 posts

The work was sometimes hard, sometimes soft ..but the money at the sewage works wasn't to be sniffed at..

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Brian Brane

  • Friday 16th December 2016, 7:22am
  • Here, England
  • 174 posts

I had insomnia for over a year.
I tried everything.
Even listening to whale song.
But after six months
I just wished they were dead.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Friday 16th December 2016, 2:13pm [Edited]
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,497 posts

The guy who thought he could parkour between tall buildings was dead wrong.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 16th December 2016, 7:22pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,540 posts

My mother said, A guy called Richard did me up the butt and I just farted.. I said, That's Rich, coming from you.